A Whole Lot of Weddings & Other Monday Randoms

Ever since my return from Costa Rica, I feel as if I've been in one huge whirlwind of weddings & flowers & champagne & baby shower gifts & birthdays (oh, my!) & yes I could keep going but I won't.... Plainly stated, it's been hectic and now we are approaching that time of year when there's just so much going on that you have to legit keep your calendar up to date or risk being confused as heck. But I digress...

Today has been a random hodgepodge of sorts. The morning after a busy non-stop weekend will have you questioning your life choices. I tried to find some reprieve last night, but that was shortly lived as I journeyed out for a surprise party for one of my friends. Sunday was weird as well. I woke up hating everybody and really just in my feelings which is weird after a great Saturday and an even greater Friday night.

But let's back track...

This all began on Friday, October 7th. Wedding rehearsal and dinner for my friend V's nupitals, which would take place the following Sunday. After stuffing myself with shrimp and dirty rice Friday night, I was back up early for a mimosa filled brunch before the wedding party headed out to a twerk class. We twerked and came reaaaaaal close to ruining those fresh wedding presses, but got our sorts about ourselves. The wedding was the next day went off without any hitches, and poof my friend was married. I also caught the bouquet.

PS., Apparently bridesmaids can't (well one did, but I promised not to tell on her) smuggle their cellphones into the procession, so I have to wait for the official pictures..

I honestly can't remember anything that ensued the following week. But I'm sure it involved petitions, and court settings & settlement agreements, or something along those lines. Then right before I knew it, Thursday rolled around and it was time for the bridal shower dinner for my friend D, who would be getting married the next day.

Many glasses of wine and laughs later, it was right back to our wedding scheduled programming and time for her big day. In lieu of bridesmaids, she had a council that consisted of all the ladies & gentlemen who were near and dear to her heart and played an important role in her life leading up to her wedding day. She didn't want us in the same dress, so she merely instructed us what she wanted us to wear and left the rest up to us!

Her wedding was a Pinterest dream made in heaven. Perfectly executed & a truly wonderful occasion that I am happy to have been apart of. The actual ceremony was cell phone free, but I did manage to snap a few shots when I wasn't too busy dancing or singing at the top of my lungs to her wedding soundtrack.

That following Saturday was filled with brunch with out of town guests & loving on the newlyweds before they jetted off to Aruba yesterday.

And then Sunday rolled around, and I'm not sure if it was the exhaustion taking over, my looming birthday extra-ness or what, but my emotions swan dived into the abyss.

I just still feel some type of way about the level of support and care I have in my life. Just thinking of the many relationships I have garnished over the years, I whole-heartedly can't say if I have a real tribe. I feel like I have a pocket full of close friends, that don't all necessarily live here (some do), and a million others whom purport to know me, but only know certain layers of my true self. Albeit I am pretty transparent, and freely speak my mind, I am a true Scorpio, so there are certain sides of me that are hidden from the masses. I sometimes wish I had people in my life who genuinely understood me, and had my back the way I usually have others. I just feel a void, and I can't quite put my finger on it. My mother has a million theories as to why I feel that way, and usually her answer is I just need a husband to fill that void, but I just don't know. Maybe she is right. Then that leads me to the feelings of, well if only that were easier said than done & I could click my heels like Dorothy and wake up in Never-land with a husband and son just ready made.

Then there's the baby showers. My best friend from college had her baby shower in Alabama this weekend, and unfortunately I could not attend. I not only feel terrible for not making that journey, but also an empty space because I know life as we know it will soon be changing in a few months. It's like a weird combination of selfishness, jealousy & extreme jubilation. It's like I know all friendships change when somebody has a baby, and I wasn't ready to give up my partner in crime just yet, and with baby bumps come baby fever & I'm sitting here like well, you'll be 35 in less than a month, the goods won't work forever, what are you doing, and then I'm like yes, a new baby to dress up and love on. Then that overwhelming rush of emotions leads me underneath blankets on my couch thinking deeply about life.

I'm learning to not worry as much about the surface level associates, but so many life changing occurrences at once with my key players makes me feel vulnerable and lost in a way I'm not quite sure yet how to handle.

Trust the timing of your life, they always say. But some days, all I can do is reflect on it all & bask in these far-fetched Monday randoms.