yawn....

How is tomorrow December 1st? Why am I so tired? And again I must ask, how is it already December?

This week has been a blur. Work has been hectic. Court has been a nightmare. I. Am. Exhausted.

Despite my fatigue, I managed to go to two events this week to kick off the holiday party season. I don't see how people do it...managing a busy workload and being able to go out during the week.... I need a nap. Seriously.

T'is the Season.........

I survived Thanksgiving without too many shed tears, which was truly a blessing... Fortunately one of my girlfriends accepted my invitation to come spend Thanksgiving with my family, so I had someone to keep me company & to keep my mind off of missing my ex too much. My mother usually goes all out for Thanksgiving, so there was a TON of food, and almost all of my family made the trip from Louisiana to Texas to celebrate the holiday together. I attempted to take a few snapshots of the food, but my girlfriend's scowl as I hesitated to pull out my camera to get a shot of the dressing let me know that today was not the day to be holding up lines to take food photos...but I digress. We ate... then ate some more...

I filled my friend in on all of the family happenings, so she wouldn't be clueless as to all the inside jokes my sister and I made the entire day & so that she wouldn't be lost in regards to all the drama... I mean hey, what's a family get-together without drama? We laughed, watched the Texans beat the Detroit Lions in an overtime game, drank an entire bottle of Peach Ciroq, half-heartedly watched Bridesmaids, and then went to Spotlight Karaoke... I wasn't too excited about going to karaoke since it was a tradition started by my ex, but I was a trooper & I even sang......

On Friday morning, I slept in and watched movies...floating in and out of consciousness until it was time for me to head out to the Rockets game. I love NBA basketball, so I was super excited to see the Rockets play the NY Knicks. In the early 90's the Knicks used to be my favorite team and I was so in love with John Starks.... but in this day & age I am all about the Rockets, so despite my love for Carmello Anthony, I was glad my team gave them a proper welcome to the South and destroyed them...... I can't wait to see the Lakers when they come to town in a few days....

Courtesy of my grandmother, I had chicken & dumplings for breakfast Saturday morning. Homemade & Delicious. Once all the troops packed up and headed back to Louisiana, we all finally got a chance to kick up our feet and unwind since them leaving marked the official end of the Thanksgiving holiday. My mom, goddaughter and I hit the mall to try and catch a few of the holiday sales. Surprisingly the mall was dead, all except the Mac Cosmetics booth in Macy's... I was able to buy the BCBG booties I have been eyeballing for the last two months, (20% + the $50 gift card from my co-workers for my birthday = me getting the shoes I've been wanting for the cheap)I wanted to purchase a new lip color (red or berry shade) from Mac, but they were swamped.... After shopping we enjoyed a nice lunch at Babin's, and I was able to take a much needed nap.

Later that night I had a friend date with my girl friend, and we went to see the Twilight movie. We were both big fans of the books and were equally impressed with the final movie in the series. Although there were slight differences from the books, they still did a good job bringing the characters to life on-screen. I am not a fan of spoilers, so I will spare the details but the ending had us both on the edge of our seats. Since we are old ladies, we decided against going out to a club after the movie ended and opted to go have drinks at Applebee's. Applebee's is definitely not my go to for fine dining, but their drinks and appetizers are generally very cheap and the majority of their restaurants stay open until 2 am. Good times.

All day I have been trying to wrap my head around the idea of returning to the real world tomorrow. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving holiday and now it is full speed ahead to Christmas and the New Year. Now, it is truly the season.......

Thankful

Another thanksgiving is upon us, and as I inhale the succulent smells floating from the kitchen it's only right for me to take a moment to give God the glory for all of his Blessings.

"O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever!"
(1 Chronicles 16:34, AMP)

This year has definitely been trying.... a season of change that I definitely had not imagined coming to pass, but despite it all I'm here and I'm still blessed.

From health & financial challenges with my family, to growing pains and stress at work; to losing the person I thought was my soulmate... I've experienced it all this year. But still The Lord has kept me strong, allowed me to not break when all I wanted to do was give up... He has provided me with the right people at the right time to say the things I needed to hear most, right when I needed to hear it... The Lord has provided for me, sustained me and given me increase when in my mind I didn't even realize I deserved it.

I'm just thankful that no matter how low I've felt these last few weeks, I know that The Lord is making a way for me right now as I type this. I'm thankful for faith, patience and the knowledge that in due time all the desires of my heart will come to me.

My goal is to focus more so on what I have, instead of what I don't have.... and instead of feeling down I am going to be grateful.

I'm grateful for my family, my friends, my career, my sense of humor, all of my possessions, my memories & experiences, the lessons I've learned and the lessons I'm still learning, my church, grace & joy. I need to be more accountable for knowing the value of my worth, and I am thankful for life and the ability to always get better.

Overall I'm just THANKFUL..........

Random Tuesday Thoughts.....

I'm feeling some kind of way about the fast approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is literally days away, and aside from spending time with my family I am not looking forward to the next few weeks at all. My mood tends to swan dive into the abyss after the hype of my birthday festivities wears off, and then I momentarily reemerge in spring around St. Patrick's day to only fall into a cloak of invisibility until Fall rolls around again. I guess you could say I'm one of those oddballs, who despite having it all(or so it appears) still finds a reason to not be completely satisfied.

Holidays not only remind me of those who aren't still around, but they also make me feel a sense of longing for what I don't have. The last couple of years I awkwardly was shying away from questions of people asking when was I getting a ring, or interrogating my boyfriend as to when he was going to propose. This year I'm anticipating all the questions as to why we are no longer together. The joy! All over the blogosphere and television families are celebrating together, joyously watching their children open gifts, decorating their homes & kissing their husbands under the mistletoe. Granted I have no valid non-first world complaints about my life, but this time of year gets old really quickly when you can't participate the way you truly want to.

It sounds strange, but in momentary lapses of sanity I feel like I would give up my career just to have a sense of normality....white picket fence, kids, two dogs...instead if all this independent woman, I'm an attorney, shopping spree, spa day, new handbag when I want it, blah blah blah stuff.... The simple things have always appealed to me, and in retrospect if given the opportunity I would hang up my business suit (can I keep the purse though) in a millisecond...

The struggle, I tell you. If I could live without what-ifs I would be a much happier person. I believe what-ifs are my ruination.

I'm getting better, but I am definitely a work in progress..................

I'm also apparently bi-polar, because now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I feel the need to express how thankful I am for everything I have, had and will have in the future. The Lord has truly blessed me. I am grateful for the life he has chosen for me, and I want to thank him in advance for increase, prosperity, health and joy. I know the holidays shouldn't make me feel this way, and I should really attempt to remember the reason behind the season. It's just hard sometimes. With that being said, I will keep my complaints to a minimum....carry-on with the cute holiday posts! I need something to look forward to..... In the meantime, I guess I can always decorate the tree in my office.....

On Friendship....

Despite my not being the stereotypical social butterfly, I have always had a decent amount of friends. Throughout the years I have added few, subtracted many or just grew apart from certain people who occupied the majority of my life. But even through it all, there are a select group of people who no matter what I know will always be my friends.

The last few years, mainly between college and finishing up law school, the dynamics of a lot of my friendships started to change. One decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore for whatever reason and decided to focus more on her relationship and other friends who were already married. I was hurt and confused by this, but I moved on...
A couple of years later two of my closest girlfriends from college decided that I had "changed" because I didn't want to party all night and be settled down & such and stopped talking to me.... This separation didn't hurt as much since I definitely knew I had outgrown them and really couldn't engage in the same type of activities any longer so I was good. But now, I feel like another shift is on the brinks of taking place....

A relationship with one of my closest guy friends is on the verge of being non-existent and that one I really don't understand. He says everything is fine now, but it just isn't the same. Maybe this is a part of life, or maybe not.... I still haven't figured that it out.

When I sit back and really evaluate the people who are in my life that I know will always be there I do notice a common thread. We may not talk everyday, hang out with each other often like we used to or even share the same interests anymore... It's just the feeling I get that no matter what I can call them up and cry for no real reason and they won't judge (unless I ask them too) or that I can say something random and it will completely make sense to them. There are a lot of other traits, but lately those have been the main two that I have needed most.

Are all friendships meant to last a lifetime? Are there ways to prevent outgrowing a friendship, or is it like relationships where some are meant for a season or a reason?

I think as an adult we don't have time to cultivate friendships like we should in between relationships, work, family etc but I do think having a solid group is important. I also think that friendships shouldn't be measured by the amount of time we spend together, or what all I have given you or what all I can do for you. I just don't think it should be that way, and I appreciate the friends I have that see me for more than tangibles.....

Game Night

I'm probably going to regret staying up so late in the morning, but it was definitely worth it by going to the Rockets game tonight.

My friend and I went to see them play the Miami Heat. They lost, but it was a great game. On and off the court.... I didn't get the memo that there would be soooooo many (presumably) single guys at the game, but I DEFINITELY know now.....

I'm already looking forward to my next game.......

---31---

This was probably the most low key birthday I have had in a very long time. I usually plan series of events to celebrate, but this year I let one of my friends discourage me from actually celebrating how I wanted to and I just planned a last minute dinner with all of my girlfriends....

We went to St. Genevieves, which is a trendy lounge/restaurant that one of my girlfriends suggested... It was very upscale & nice, but not a place I would have chosen on my own.

Ummmm yeah... I kind of forgot how easily it is for large groups of girls to revert back to high school when there aren't any guys around to block out the extreme amounts of estrogen....So yeah, no more large groups of the cast of meangirls girls...... After dinner, my sister and a couple of my friends & I went out and danced the remainder of the evening away. Overall a good way to usher in thirty-one.....

On Saturday night, I went to a wine/cheese/art show/birthday party for a fellow Scorpio who happens to share the same birthday as I do. In addition to the wine, and art she had a henna tattoo artist doing custom work on all of the party patrons. What a great idea! Her sister (a Gemini) always makes fun of the both of us for always making such a big deal out of our birthday. I feel kind of sad that I did not do what I originally planned on doing for my birthday...but I guess next year I will ignore the haters critics and go with what I want! ****

The remainder of my birthday weekend has consisted of a lot of rest, relaxation and reflection. I can't believe I am officially in my thirties!!!!!!!! *gasp*

ok, so....

Even though I have had plenty of birthdays, I still think It's OK to get excited about it like I'm a little kid... It's OK to not want to go to work on my birthday, but still suck it up like a big girl and go (especially since I have court....) It's OK to go shopping for a new dress, and new shoes and new jewelry just because I want to look cute on MY BIRTHDAY... It's OK to feel special about receiving tons of FACEBOOK notifications wishing you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY...even though you don't regularly talk to a lot of the people who are posting on your wall.... It's OK to reminisce on the ghosts of birthdays past... but IT's EVEN MORE OK to be happy about the future, grateful to GOD for all of HIS blessings and happy that you have been given another year of life to do better, be better and live better & move on. It's OK to grow up...

Final Hour.....

This is my final hour of being thirty.... It seems like only yesterday I was blowing out candles and welcoming in this new decade of my life...

I can definitely say, I brought thirty in with a bang....and lots and lots of shots...

Tomorrow morning when I wake up I will have entered into the official first year of my new decade. -30+1- Thank God for life & new beginnings.

Weekend Get-A-Way: Atlanta Edition

My weekend trip to Atlanta gave me life, and was the perfect way to kick off my birthday month. I learned a lot about bands, and their ability to make people (present company included) dance....

I got to spend time with my best friend from law school, my best friend from undergrad (I opted out of posting our photo on here) and catch up with a good friend from high school who decided to stay in Atlanta permanently after she graduated from Clark.

I went to two different courthouses with my friend, in two different counties and was AMAZED at how different things are in Georgia than in Texas... where I am usually the only minority (women/person of color/under the age of forty)in the entire courtroom. It was very refreshing and encouraging... And yes, I was actually excited about being at court while I was on vacation...

I ate at Gladys & Ron's... and had brunch at J Christopher's...blueberry crunchcakes, yes.

I also ate entirely too many cookies.... And slept.....

If only I could go into detail about the rest of my trip. I guess I will have to save it for the memoirs....but I digress. I had an amazing time with my girls this weekend and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to get away and have peace of mind. A lot was going on while I was away, and I am happy that I was able to refocus and rejuvenate. ** I feel well equipped to move forward...and I am looking forward to this next year of my life....

Sweet November...

I love that cliche catch phrase, "Sweet November" and I'm really praying this month is sweet to me. This year has been an emotional roller coaster and I'm glad there are only two months left until 2013.

I'm at the airport now.... taking a much needed vacation to kick off my birthday month. I plan on pushing the reset button while I'm in Atlanta, and returning home in a few days refreshed and ready to get myself back on track.

And now I'm ready for take-off.......