Mental Health Days....

This past weekend I did absolutely nothing, and if I did participate in any activities I cannot vaguely remember them. 

Oh wait, I went to a baby shower on Sunday. Then I cried in my car on the way home. Do I want a baby right now? Nah. But at that exact moment listening to all my married friends gush over new babies and share war stories, and reminisce on all the fun couples stuff we used to do when I was with my ex and still getting invited to couples nights....all of the emotions just hit me and I literally felt like a failure. Like a straight up failure. My relationship ended, I don't have any kids nor prospects for future relationships, I have nothing. I won't be embarking on this new journey in life with my friends and I seriously felt worthless. 

Granted, I know everything happens for a reason and timing & blah blah blah and all that jazz but in the moment sometimes it just doesn't matter. Or maybe I'm just being extra emotional...but I digress. 

Mind you, I don't always feel like this. I have happiness, I have friends and family. I am involved in a lot of activities. I stay busy. But even with all of that I still have moments of feeling incomplete. 

With November just a day away, I know I need to cheer up and get back to living my life. I'm not working tomorrow or Friday, and I am designating those days as mental health days. 

No, I'm not crazy or mental, but I do feel like I need a break to get refocused and realigned with the positive. 

I can't go starting my favorite month without first turning my frown upside down. I have a lot of fun things planned for November like celebrating my birthday on the 9th!!!

This funk needs to stay right here where it's at...indefinitely!

Memory Lane

Between the TLC biopic on VH1, to my alma mater celebrating homecoming this weekend I have been super nostalgic lately. 

So many memories. I had forgotten how many songs TLC put out during the years, but every one sparked a memory in my mind. From fantasizing about college life with their video for "Baby, Baby, Baby" to memorizing song lyrics all the way through middle school and college. They were truly an iconic group. 

One thing that stands out so much in my mind about the group is when member Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes was tragically killed. I was in undergrad and remember being stunned by the news she had passed away. 

I feel like a lot of monumental events happened while I was a college student. I can remember when 9/11 occurred my sophomore year, when singer Aaliyah passed away, as well as going to the stadium on campus to vote for my very first time. A lot has occurred in my life in what seems like such a short amount of time. 

It's hard to believe that next year it will have been an entire decade since I finished undergrad. I could literally make ten movies about my many adventures as a college student in Louisiana. So many stories. 

Hard to believe that I turned out alright after all the shenanigans... But I digress. 

Also hard to believe I weighed 98lbs the majority of my college career. Thanks law school for putting weight on me. But again, I shall digress. 

It's always fun to look back and laugh at those memories & reflect on how far you've come since the way back when :) 

Definitely good times!!!!!

The Definition of Chill.

I had the "luxury" of a three day weekend. I was off work Friday (circumstance, not by choice) so my day consisted of shoe shopping, napping, and Law & Order SVU marathons --also known as pure bliss, minus the not feeling so well. 

I probably should've used my time off to be productive, but it just didn't work out that way. I know I needed the rest, And I definitely needed the time to just chill. 

This year has been nonstop. 

It is so hard to believe that this year is almost over. Life can change so much from year to year. When I think to this time last year, I was so heartbroken, so lonely and just lost trying to pick up the pieces. Now, although things aren't how I ideally want them to be, I can honestly say I'm not where I was and I am content. 

But back to my weekend. 

On Friday night, it poured....thunder, hail, wind, rain.

When I got up early Saturday morning for my hair appointment, it felt like Fall. I absolutely love Fall. 

After I finished getting my hair flat ironed, I walked around the mall in search of the perfect dress to wear for my birthday. Either my taste has drastically changed since I spend 95% of my life in business attire, 4% in pajamas and the remaining percentage in other assorted outfits or maybe I just wasn't feeling the fashion out right now. I had almost given up when I wandered into a random store and found a cute dress that didn't make me look like I was for sale. I can't wait to wear it. I'm happy to have one thing checked off the to do.  

Now if only I had actual plans for my birthday.....but that's a story for another day. 

My afternoon was spent in hibernation, but I finally rolled over and went to pick up a friend so we could head over to the Wortham Theater to see a performance by Esperanza Spaulding & two other accomplished jazz artists. I wish photography was allowed in the Wortham so I could have captured the talent of those ladies, but this one will have to be for the memory banks. 

I love all genres of music, and take every opportunity to experience every concert I can. 

After the show ended my girlfriend and I continued our evening at Batanga. This is a newer venue downtown that is a tapas/Brazilian cuisine restaurant that has live music on the weekends. I would love to give them rave reviews, because the food was great...but our server was terrible. He ignored us all night, and just was a bad server. A lot of times servers will pay more attention to other tables because they assume that "group" will tip more. Then I feel bad for perpetuating the idea that other "groups" don't tip well...but it's hard when you receive horrible service to want to go above and beyond. 

We appreciated that our waiter actually came and apologized for ignoring us the entire evening, but by that time the damage was already done. The food was great though. But I digress. 

I slept in this morning. I then discovered yet another Law & Order marathon on tv. I slept some more. 

My weekend was the definition of chill, and I have no regrets about it :)

Going Home...

I woke up to the sound of thunder and rain. The perfect way to start a Sunday morning in my opinion. 

We had a death in the family, so Saturday morning I was up before the sun so we could head to Louisiana, which is where both of my parents are from & where the majority of my family still lives. 

I hate the reason for the visit, but it was good seeing my grandmother and being in our home town. I don't think I would've made it growing up as a country girl and I told my mama that I was proud of her for moving to Texas when she was just a few years younger than I am now and starting a new life for herself in Houston. 

It's like traveling back in time. The mentality, the fashion, even the flow of traffic is just so much slower than what I'm used to but I love that it seems like life is so much more carefree than it is here. 

It's easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of life, but it's also important to get lost in the little things. Loving your family, appreciating the struggles they had to get through so that you can be where you are today, and remembering to love and respect your elders. I don't want anyone in my family to ever feel like they were forgotten or that they were a burden because of their age. 

Every family member is like a link to a bigger puzzle that completes who you are. Whether the puzzle pieces are jagged, or frayed or country...it doesn't matter and all the pieces need to feel appreciated. 

Life is too precious, and our time here is too limited to not make it matter. In my lifetime I feel like I've experienced so much, I can only imagine the things our parents and grandparents have experienced in their fifty to sixty to even ninety plus years of life. So much living, so many lessons and so many experiences. Take the time to call them just because, or make a surprise visit, or even teach them how to take a selfie. It's the little things that are more impressionable than the elaborate gift at Christmas. 

I know I need to do better at this. 

Gratitude. 

I'm grateful for my family and the opportunities to be together. 

I countdown....

So. I'm one of those crazy birthday lunatics who gets all overly zealous counting down the days until their birthday.  Yep. That's me. I own it. It shocks me that so many people don't do anything to commemorate being born, but I guess in my family we just always made a point of celebrating. We have cakes every year. We sing and have punch at my parents house. It's what we do. 

With that being said, it's October 9th which means my birthday is exactly a month from today. 

Last year, I was still down in the dumps celebrating my birthday post break up and it sucked. This year I'm over the whole can't celebrate my birthday without him crap and I'm actually excited again. 

A lot has been going on. These last few weeks have been mentally, physically and spiritually draining. I've been down, but that does not mean I have to stay that way. 

One thing that helps me stay positive is having good things to look forward to. 

So I'm looking forward to celebrating & having my best friend from undergrad come in to town to help me celebrate. 

Yesterday, I realized I would be 32 in 32 days. Today, I realized that I like the phrase "I'm turning 30, too" better... I mean. It's the same thing right? Right? 

:)

Reunited...

In light of the way I have been feeling lately, this weekend was well overdue. Myself, and three of my girlfriends decided to have a mini-stay-cation girls weekend... This was the first time all four of us had been in the same place at the same time for more than a few hours in a year. One of them drove down from Dallas, and we spent our weekend downtown at the Embassy Suites Hotel. It was a weekend filled with laughter, tears, jokes, mimosas, inside jokes and friendship...but, unfortunately not a lot of photos.

We met up Friday night, and enjoyed sangria, mojitos and pizza at Boheme. The weather decided to be perfect this weekend, so we were able to sit outside on the patio while we played catch up on life. Afterwards, we went back to our room and gossiped until the wee hours of the morning before falling asleep.

We woke up early in order to partake in the breakfast buffet at the hotel & chatted a few more hours before heading out to Benjy's for brunch..... well, really mimosas, but there was brunch going on around us.

Two carafes of mimosas later, we headed down the street to another venue and had more drinks on the patio while we giggled even more...

After all the libations, naps were in order so we settled down, until it was time for dinner at Haven.

My meal was delicious, but all the drinks and venue hopping had everyone super exhausted.... which led to a decline in adrenaline...which then led to not so pleasant exchanges, which led to tears...followed by heart felt discussions into the wee hours of the morning. You know, typical girl's weekend happenings...

In other news, during the weekend shenanigans we took a trip to CVS and my friend picked out a yummy pink lipstick for me & although it is very different from what I am used to I kind of love it!

Over the course of the last few days, I thought a lot about myself and how I view the world. My girlfriends & a few wise women who commented on my last post, gave me excellent advice that I have decided to take to heart. I'm claiming this upcoming week to be wonderful & I am thinking positive in regards to all the issues that have been clouding my mind. God is in control, but it is up to me to control my thoughts.

Should I Even be Surprised?

It's October 1st, and I'm in the same predicament I have been in the past few months....wondering where time went and trying to figure out why life seems to be passing me by. 

Ok, so maybe my inner Scorpio is being overly dramatic as I have a tendency to do, but I swear it feels like the older I get the faster the days fly by. But I digress. 

October means a lot of things: temps finally feeling like Fall, which for Texas probably means around the 70's, 50's/60's if we're lucky, corn candy & pop corn balls, Hocus Pocus coming on television & Twitches (I watch a lot of Disney & ABC Family, lol) but mainly October lets me know that my favorite month is right around the corner! I love November for a multitude of reasons... 

But back to October. 

I need to do better with my gratitude. And positive thinking. I feel like so many things have been coming at me, but I haven't been approaching them the way The Lord wants me to. 

I want to be happy, but more important I want joy. I want that Oprah/Gayle/Iyanla appreciation for life and I just don't have it yet. Granted millionaire status probably helps those ladies live carefree, but I do think its achievable for regular folks as well. 

I see so many people who always have a positive outlook on life and I hate that I've always been a person to see the glass as full, but with cracks that seem to always slowly drain the water out my cup. I want to train my mind to see the good in all situations. Even the bad. 

I need to figure it out. Sooner than later and I challenge myself to train my thoughts. This has been my desire for a long time. I hope to start this month. Scratch that I will start this month. 

It's well overdue and I refuse to go into another year of my life not expecting great things to occur, I deserve it. 

God has given me too much to take anything for granted & to not completely trust that He will take care of me.