This past weekend I did absolutely nothing, and if I did participate in any activities I cannot vaguely remember them.
Oh wait, I went to a baby shower on Sunday. Then I cried in my car on the way home. Do I want a baby right now? Nah. But at that exact moment listening to all my married friends gush over new babies and share war stories, and reminisce on all the fun couples stuff we used to do when I was with my ex and still getting invited to couples nights....all of the emotions just hit me and I literally felt like a failure. Like a straight up failure. My relationship ended, I don't have any kids nor prospects for future relationships, I have nothing. I won't be embarking on this new journey in life with my friends and I seriously felt worthless.
Granted, I know everything happens for a reason and timing & blah blah blah and all that jazz but in the moment sometimes it just doesn't matter. Or maybe I'm just being extra emotional...but I digress.
Mind you, I don't always feel like this. I have happiness, I have friends and family. I am involved in a lot of activities. I stay busy. But even with all of that I still have moments of feeling incomplete.
With November just a day away, I know I need to cheer up and get back to living my life. I'm not working tomorrow or Friday, and I am designating those days as mental health days.
No, I'm not crazy or mental, but I do feel like I need a break to get refocused and realigned with the positive.
I can't go starting my favorite month without first turning my frown upside down. I have a lot of fun things planned for November like celebrating my birthday on the 9th!!!
This funk needs to stay right here where it's at...indefinitely!
I've been there- I think the season makes it even more depressing. It's getting dark earlier, people are staying inside, the holidays are coming- all of that can make a person feel so alone!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in this, I hope you never feel like you don't. Even though now, I'm married with a child, it wasn't too long ago that I wasn't- I was the only one left.
Keep your head up, keep pushing. The sun will come. :)
Thank you so much!!!!!!!
DeleteYou are one of my blog friends that I wish lived right down the street that way I could give you a big fat hug. If you're not a hugger maybe a big fat bottle of your favorite choice of liquor ;)
ReplyDeleteAs much as you know that everything happens for a reason blah blah blah it will not take away real emotions or real feelings. You're going to have them regardless. Life is all about feeling emotions. Some welcomed and some not welcomed but you'll feel them and that's perfectly fine.
You're a beautiful person (inside and out) and it is hard for me to believe that you'll be alone forever. Not happening. I know it will happen for you and I'm starting that prayer for you.
I hope your days off gave your mind the break it deserves and that you're feeling refreshed.
You're so sweet Faith! And I feel the same way about you. It just gets so hard at times to stay hopeful but I am definitely working on it!! Thank you so much and girl yes, some days off to reflect definitely did me well. :)
DeleteGirl we've ALL been here before....and to be honest, I've had these thoughts over and over again. It had to run its course and then I was reminded that I had to trust in the good Lord that not my will....but his will be done. It hit me hard when my perfectly lined plans didn't fall in place when I wanted and how I wanted. To God be the glory!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that and you are so right!
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