Random Tuesday Thoughts.....

I'm feeling some kind of way about the fast approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is literally days away, and aside from spending time with my family I am not looking forward to the next few weeks at all. My mood tends to swan dive into the abyss after the hype of my birthday festivities wears off, and then I momentarily reemerge in spring around St. Patrick's day to only fall into a cloak of invisibility until Fall rolls around again. I guess you could say I'm one of those oddballs, who despite having it all(or so it appears) still finds a reason to not be completely satisfied.

Holidays not only remind me of those who aren't still around, but they also make me feel a sense of longing for what I don't have. The last couple of years I awkwardly was shying away from questions of people asking when was I getting a ring, or interrogating my boyfriend as to when he was going to propose. This year I'm anticipating all the questions as to why we are no longer together. The joy! All over the blogosphere and television families are celebrating together, joyously watching their children open gifts, decorating their homes & kissing their husbands under the mistletoe. Granted I have no valid non-first world complaints about my life, but this time of year gets old really quickly when you can't participate the way you truly want to.

It sounds strange, but in momentary lapses of sanity I feel like I would give up my career just to have a sense of normality....white picket fence, kids, two dogs...instead if all this independent woman, I'm an attorney, shopping spree, spa day, new handbag when I want it, blah blah blah stuff.... The simple things have always appealed to me, and in retrospect if given the opportunity I would hang up my business suit (can I keep the purse though) in a millisecond...

The struggle, I tell you. If I could live without what-ifs I would be a much happier person. I believe what-ifs are my ruination.

I'm getting better, but I am definitely a work in progress..................

I'm also apparently bi-polar, because now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I feel the need to express how thankful I am for everything I have, had and will have in the future. The Lord has truly blessed me. I am grateful for the life he has chosen for me, and I want to thank him in advance for increase, prosperity, health and joy. I know the holidays shouldn't make me feel this way, and I should really attempt to remember the reason behind the season. It's just hard sometimes. With that being said, I will keep my complaints to a minimum....carry-on with the cute holiday posts! I need something to look forward to..... In the meantime, I guess I can always decorate the tree in my office.....