Ten Things.....

1)This picture of Kerry Washington, awesome... She is so pretty & I love her hair ;-)

2)It's too cold for court. I need to invest in winter apparel, but Texas weather is so unpredictable that it doesn't really make sense to buy real winter clothing here.. It could be hot two days from now....

3)I finally figured out how to add a FOLLOW button to my blog... I feel smart.

4)I booked a flight to visit my best friend from college this upcoming weekend! Super excited to see her!!!

5)The downside of trip-taking: I need to pack.

6)It feels great when hard work is recognized... I had my year-end review at work yesterday & it went remarkably well! But despite the review, there is always room for progress so I look forward to setting and achieving more goals this upcoming year....

7)Advice- Don't let others control your happiness. People can only do what you allow them to do & your reaction to their actions makes a world of difference in how you feel in the long run. Know when to hold them & when to fold them.........

8)I want an excuse to wear a ball gown.... I want to get dressed up and go out somewhere fancy...maybe there is a senior prom I can crash......not really.

9)Sometimes, I think too much.....

10)Other times, I don't think enough........

Random Tuesday Thoughts.....

I'm feeling some kind of way about the fast approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is literally days away, and aside from spending time with my family I am not looking forward to the next few weeks at all. My mood tends to swan dive into the abyss after the hype of my birthday festivities wears off, and then I momentarily reemerge in spring around St. Patrick's day to only fall into a cloak of invisibility until Fall rolls around again. I guess you could say I'm one of those oddballs, who despite having it all(or so it appears) still finds a reason to not be completely satisfied.

Holidays not only remind me of those who aren't still around, but they also make me feel a sense of longing for what I don't have. The last couple of years I awkwardly was shying away from questions of people asking when was I getting a ring, or interrogating my boyfriend as to when he was going to propose. This year I'm anticipating all the questions as to why we are no longer together. The joy! All over the blogosphere and television families are celebrating together, joyously watching their children open gifts, decorating their homes & kissing their husbands under the mistletoe. Granted I have no valid non-first world complaints about my life, but this time of year gets old really quickly when you can't participate the way you truly want to.

It sounds strange, but in momentary lapses of sanity I feel like I would give up my career just to have a sense of normality....white picket fence, kids, two dogs...instead if all this independent woman, I'm an attorney, shopping spree, spa day, new handbag when I want it, blah blah blah stuff.... The simple things have always appealed to me, and in retrospect if given the opportunity I would hang up my business suit (can I keep the purse though) in a millisecond...

The struggle, I tell you. If I could live without what-ifs I would be a much happier person. I believe what-ifs are my ruination.

I'm getting better, but I am definitely a work in progress..................

I'm also apparently bi-polar, because now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I feel the need to express how thankful I am for everything I have, had and will have in the future. The Lord has truly blessed me. I am grateful for the life he has chosen for me, and I want to thank him in advance for increase, prosperity, health and joy. I know the holidays shouldn't make me feel this way, and I should really attempt to remember the reason behind the season. It's just hard sometimes. With that being said, I will keep my complaints to a minimum....carry-on with the cute holiday posts! I need something to look forward to..... In the meantime, I guess I can always decorate the tree in my office.....

On Friendship....

Despite my not being the stereotypical social butterfly, I have always had a decent amount of friends. Throughout the years I have added few, subtracted many or just grew apart from certain people who occupied the majority of my life. But even through it all, there are a select group of people who no matter what I know will always be my friends.

The last few years, mainly between college and finishing up law school, the dynamics of a lot of my friendships started to change. One decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore for whatever reason and decided to focus more on her relationship and other friends who were already married. I was hurt and confused by this, but I moved on...
A couple of years later two of my closest girlfriends from college decided that I had "changed" because I didn't want to party all night and be settled down & such and stopped talking to me.... This separation didn't hurt as much since I definitely knew I had outgrown them and really couldn't engage in the same type of activities any longer so I was good. But now, I feel like another shift is on the brinks of taking place....

A relationship with one of my closest guy friends is on the verge of being non-existent and that one I really don't understand. He says everything is fine now, but it just isn't the same. Maybe this is a part of life, or maybe not.... I still haven't figured that it out.

When I sit back and really evaluate the people who are in my life that I know will always be there I do notice a common thread. We may not talk everyday, hang out with each other often like we used to or even share the same interests anymore... It's just the feeling I get that no matter what I can call them up and cry for no real reason and they won't judge (unless I ask them too) or that I can say something random and it will completely make sense to them. There are a lot of other traits, but lately those have been the main two that I have needed most.

Are all friendships meant to last a lifetime? Are there ways to prevent outgrowing a friendship, or is it like relationships where some are meant for a season or a reason?

I think as an adult we don't have time to cultivate friendships like we should in between relationships, work, family etc but I do think having a solid group is important. I also think that friendships shouldn't be measured by the amount of time we spend together, or what all I have given you or what all I can do for you. I just don't think it should be that way, and I appreciate the friends I have that see me for more than tangibles.....