Gone Till November.....

It's been quiet around these parts lately. In trying to salvage my emotions, I've tried to stay focused on work, or staying busy but then reality hit me. My dad has been in the hospital for going on two weeks now. My mother met with the social worker at the hospital, and they made the recommendation that he be placed in a 24 hour assisted living facility to monitor him and make sure he is cared for properly. 

Although we have toyed with the idea as his condition began to worsen, actually hearing it rained down on my mama like a ton of bricks. He never wanted to live anywhere but at home. Hes still fully functioning, not sick, not unable to do things for himself yet his mind is going. And going to the point that it's just not safe for him to be at home alone. 

He doesn't understand the severity of it, and doesn't remember all the things that occur when he has those moments of not being himself, or not knowing who we are, or being paranoid and lost or thinking we are out to get him. The wandering away, getting lost. Like serious stuff that put him and others in danger. 

People tend to think that people are not really sick if they don't have cancer or diabetes or one of the more recognizable illnesses, but I can tell you first hand sickness of the mind is just as bad. Having someone who loved you for years look at you like a stranger hurts. Like extremely bad. 

Although I don't know what the future holds, I just hope the universe is fair and forgiving and doesn't allow my daddy to suffer too long in a place that he does not want to be. I hope that my mother is able to come to terms with losing her other half and I'm just grateful for all the years of being daddies little girl, even though now those memories are fading away. 

Life isn't always fair. But I guess sometimes we just have to deal with the cards we are dealt the best we can. 

Growth.

Fall has always been my favorite time of the year. The chill in the air, the colors, the warmth of my favorite blanket and a cup of cocoa, pumpkin patches, football games and of course Homecoming.... This past weekend my undergraduate alma mater celebrated their Homecoming. Despite us losing the game, the entire city was filled with energy to cheer on the University and welcome back alumni. This was my second year in a row returning to Baton Rouge to celebrate the occasion. The last time I did a two in a row stint, I was ridiculously underwhelmed. Fortunately history did not repeat itself this go round.

My best friend and I set out on a road trip from Houston to Baton Rouge Friday afternoon and despite battling traffic in Beaumont, Lake Charles and Lafayette, managed to make it into town before the sun went down. We were starving by the time we crossed the bridge over the Mississippi River and headed straight to Chimes East to devour some food before the nights festivities began. A friend who has been working in Louisiana for a few weeks came to join us for dinner. As we were waiting outside the restaurant my former best friend from undergrad was walking out. At first she acted as if she didn't want to greet my friend and I, but maybe being back in my old stomping grounds reignited the bitch fire in me and I forced her to speak. After that seemingly awkward moment, we all agreed that Homecoming was off to an interesting start and would definitely be eventful.

Apparently the entire city had the idea to eat at Chimes East Friday night, because it was like one big reunion with me greeting someone every few minutes. We ate like kings, and laughed for a few hours, then parted ways with out friend and headed straight to Albertson's to buy liquor supplies for the night.

At this point in time, I would go into detail about the evenings festivities, but I will keep it simple. We went out, we still had it, and we left.... and the struggle was real to wake up the next morning.

I had every intention of making it to the parade the next morning. But after having not went to sleep until 4am, I didn't wake up the next morning until dang near 11 am. Then I took a nap while my friend got dressed. After sitting in traffic for over an hour, we finally arrived on campus and parked (which was an adventure all in itself) by 3:30 pm...

The walk onto the campus of Southern University always initially leaves me on the verge of tears. Just to be in that place, with all the memories flooding over me. It always takes me back to those bittersweet moments in time. For four and a half years, I lived in Baton Rouge. The beginnings of my adult life were spent on that campus. My first real life experiences, mistakes, heartbreaks, adventures, triumphs and upsets all happened on that campus. To me, that campus means so much more than the degree that is still in its cover at my parents house, and the t-shirts I proudly display on weekends where I don't feel like getting dressed. That campus represents growth, and my progression into the woman I am today.

I took thousands of steps across this bridge over the course of those years at Southern. Some of the moments have faded away to the farthest corners of my memory while others are easily accessible at the forefronts of my mind.

Every turn as we walked from in front of the union, down the strip held some remnant of the past. We took in all the changes, observed the actions of the current students and compared to our times on the yard. We ate, tailgated, walked and laughed some more as we just took it all in. Before we even arrived in the city I had told my friend that I wanted to take some pictures near the river before we left. Can't even front, just walking near that part of campus literally almost brought me to tears. Maybe I was just emotional this weekend, I don't know, but this year was just different. I valued the moments a little more, and it just felt different being there. I think it was in that moment that I completely was able to acknowledge how momentous my time in college was.

The growth.

I really became a new version of myself in undergrad. I was able to grow, and experiment. Take chances and risks, and really flourish. Now in all fairness, a lot of those risks were not the smartest, safest or wisest, but the lessons I learned have transcended the years. Despite all of that, I can genuinely say that I'm not the same person I became while there. College was a catalyst for change. Had it not been for Southern University, I would not be who I am today. I had to be there to become who I am now.

This year, Homecoming was more than just parties & celebration..... it was about realization, reminiscing and moving forward. It was about growth. I grew up at Southern, and now I am grown.

And of course, no recap of Homecoming is complete without a few outfit posts and food pictures. I ate so much over the weekend, that I have probably experienced growth in more ways than one. But, I digress.

Onward and upward, until next time Southern U!

Adjustments.

It's been almost a month since my trip overseas, and since my return, life has been all about adjustments. 

The seasons have changed, both literally and figuratively. Mindsets, mentality, habits, thoughts, even where I rest my head at... These last couple of weeks have been filled with changes. And with change comes that shift, uncomfortable, anxious feelings that leave you with no choice but to switch up your routine and make some adjustments. 

My best friend told me the other day that being uncomfortable was important for growth. Change is supposed to be scary. Without that fear you won't be motivated to move out of your comfort zone. If you weren't uncomfortable, you would never adjust your behavior to make the situation feel better for you. Sometimes change is on purpose, other times the changes happen and the circumstances are outside of your control, but still you must make adjustments in order to continue to move forward.

I must admit, I'm easily consumed by my worries. It's my Achilles heel. Change. I hate it. I'm a stickler for rules, plans, regularity. Even with the mishaps of our trip, I had to learn to go with the flow without literally loosing it. My hardest battle has been to not let changes completely ruin my mindset. I complain, I cry, I become that woe is me individual when things don't work out according to my plan, but one thing that I have noticed in all of that is that my feelings don't really matter. Life is going to happen regardless of if it asks my permission or not. Which method is more productive, letting domething completely destroy me, or making adjustments that ease my level of comfort?

Of course I know this is easier said than done. And change, my God, changes can sometimes hurt to the core.... But it's inevitable that we have to make the adjustments and continue the best way we know how. Thoughts are powerful. It's hard to train your mind to not become completely consumed with fear, doubt, loneliness or anxiety, but things won't get better until you make the necessary adjustments. 

This Fall, I said I wanted to be like the trees and shed everything that no longer served a purpose for me mentally or spiritually. It's going to be hard. I have no doubt about that, but I refuse to stay stuck in the same place forever. I must continue to grow. It is imperative that I continue to challenge myself, so new things, embrace change.

I am determined to work on the adjustments. Life is a constant state of adjusting. 

Abu Dhabi

The Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi literally left us speechless. Words cannot describe the emotions we felt stepping inside this structure, and no photograph could do it any justice. This was the perfect sight to see our last day in the United Arab Emirates. We were exhausted, irritable, and hungry by the time we made it to Abu Dhabi. We had taken the bus from Dubai, and slept the majority of the way. A friend of a friend was gracious enough to take us to dinner after we explored the Grand Mosque and Emirates Palace, and let us shower and rest at her beautiful home before our late night flight back to JFC/NYC. Since nothing I write can fully depict the elegance, the mystique, the power and extravagance of things, I will simply leave you with pictures.

It was a truly humbling, and spiritual moment.

Arabian Nights................

To say we were happy to be back in Dubai would be an understatement. India was definitely a life-changing experience. It changed my perspective on a lot of things, and let me know that I'm living exactly where I was meant to be.. But I digress...

We had an early morning flight back to the UAE, and stayed awake the majority of the flight talking noise about how rude the passengers on the plane were. Like, in my whole life, I have never seen men walking up and down the aisles after the stewardess have warned them to buckle up and have a seat, people blaring Bollywood music loudly out of their phones & men pushing and cutting women/children in line to get to the bathroom. Unfortunately women's rights are not all that in India & the majority of the men we interacted with were downright DISRESPECTFUL as fuck to the women, even the flight attendants. But, let me digress again, because I am over India.....

We made it back to Dubai and checked into our final hotel, the JW Marriott Marquis, rested up for a bit.... checked out the Mall of the Emirates and went back to our rooms to rest some more before our Desert Excursion...

Let's just say, by now we were beyond exhausted. I don't remember much of the drive to the desert because I was sleep within seconds of us pulling off. When I woke up, I saw nothing but sand dunes all around. We waited a while for the rest of the caravan to arrive, then we were off to the dunes.

Our driver took us away in a Land Cruiser up and down the sand dunes, with us catching every bump, curve and slope along the way. It was kind of scary, but definitely made the thrill seeker in me come alive!

We of course stopped for a mini-photo session so everyone in our group could take photographs in the sand before we headed off to our campsite....

My friend Noelle captured this photo of me, and it is hands down one of my favorite pictures ever....in life! This is probably one of my favorite moments from our trip as well. I literally felt at home.

I'm pretty sure our drivers were sick of everyone by now, because we all took so many pictures! And then it was time to take off....

Or campsite was very authentic, and we out sat down on rugs in a circle around the stage where there would be performances later that night. I went and got henna done at one of the tents, while my friends explored some of the vendors selling souvenirs.

Finally, it was time for us to eat and watch the entertainment for the night...

The evening was surreal. The only thing I hate we did not get to do was ride the camels. Other than that, it was an amazing and authentic night.

It was lights out again on the way back to the hotel, and this is probably the first night we got a chance to go to bed at a decent hour.

We were fulfilled,

yet exhausted.

And then, it was lights out.