May.

I had to take a moment for myself and ride the wave that was known as April out. April was a cluster. April was long days, and even longer nights. It was stress, it was loss, it was passion, it was disappointment. Unexpectancy. Expectancy. Expecting. Adventure. April brought desire, it brought yearning. It brought deception & decisions. April was truly a whole entire Lifetime movie & I am over it. 

My trip to Puerto Rico (which I'll discuss in detail later) was right on time. It took me out of the city right when I needed a break from the reality I had been living. I got the opportunity to be away from the world, even though I still had access to the world at the tip of my fingers... But sometimes fully removing yourself from a situation is necessary for one to gain clarity and see things for yourself that you normally would not have seen while being caught up in the moment. A lot was happening behind the scenes during my absence from Houston, and I needed to be a way so I could come back stronger than I was when I left. 

With all of that being said, without even saying too much, I decided to take a new approach this month and instead of dwelling on what went wrong in my March & April, I would focus on what will be going right in my May. 

Romanticizing. I saw a friend post a quote one night that resonated with my soul and my current situation. 

I've come to the conclusion that I have a bad habit of romanticizing situations. I can't want something so bad that I self sacrifice myself, and give people credit that they do not deserve. I can't ignore the obvious. I can't sell myself short. I can't accept positions that I don't deserve. I can't sacrifice respect for attention. I just cannot settle for whatever I'm being given, just because I'm tired of waiting for what I truly deserve. I made some mistakes that I know were necessary for my growth, and to gain insight into lessons I still needed to learn. I will be more aware the next go round. I will not make a situation out to be something that it will never really be. I will no longer allow myself to deal with whatever just so I can say I have someone I'm dealing with. Never, again. 

Mercury is in retrograde so I can probably attribute that to a lot of the emotional roller coasters I resided on in April. One thing I have been told is that during this time you have to remain as focused as ever, and just realize everything that is going on is merely going on because of the retrograde and not because your life is just that tragic. 

So instead of wallowing, I'm putting that energy elsewhere and into something more positive. When I feel some type of way, I'll write it out, I'll downward dog it away or I'll just put my thoughts into something positive until I feel more at ease with things. Meditate, read or just cultivate my thoughts somewhere less toxic to myself. 

Personally, I know positivity has often times been easier said than done for me but I feel like a shift is on the horizon. I'm tired of not feeling my best self and I know I have the power to make things better. The Universe is receptive to the vibes you're throwing out and I want to send out nothing but good things so even better things can come back to me, so for May, my only goal is to get myself back together. 

And what better way to start than going to see Beyoncé tonight at NRG. If that's not a catalyst for greatness this month, then I don't know what else is.....

With that being said.. 

Come through, May....