35

I've been 35 for exactly one month now. I'd like to say that in the month since my birthday I've gained a wealth of knowledge and wisdom, but really I've just been ridiculously busy at work and tired than a motherfucker. Had you asked me ten years ago what my life would look like at 35, I probably would've said something nowhere near remotely close to my current state of existence. My 15 year old self would be even more off the mark than me at 25. The 15 year old version of myself was convinced that I would be married to an NFL player, have two children and live in a mansion in Atlanta. Big dreams back then.. In my head I was the first Housewife of Atlanta... then again I was also an officer in Future Homemakers of America in high school, if that tells you anything about where my mind was as I religiously cheered on my HS boyfriend during his football games. I'd like to say that I'm happy where I'm at, in this place, in my 35th year of life. Granted, I would've loved to have been rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, I'm good in my own little piece of the world... And who knows, maybe that dream will still come true, and if it doesn't, well I'm still good. But I digress...



I knew last year that I wanted to celebrate my birthday elsewhere. My dream had always been to celebrate my 35th birthday in Morocco/Portugal, but that dream didn't quite come into fruition, so I picked another location that has always been on my bucket list, that didn't require as much planning, or funds to get there. I wanted it to be a solo trip or just a trip with one other person as I feel as if I have reached my group trip quota for now, but I still wanted to do something simple with my friends before I left that weekend for my birthday trip. I spent my actual birthday with my family, and then hosted a happy hour in honor of my birthday the next night at Howl at the Moon.






I wanted to add a little something extra to the occasion, so I had a friend of mine make a commemorative mix CD for everyone in attendance. Every song represented some time in my life and held some significance. From my love of the Notorious BIG, to the song I listened to every morning while studying for the bar exam, to a memorable Mardi Gras, to the theme song of the show I used to watch everyday as a child (and the namesake for my fathers nickname for me before he got sick, Punky Brewster) to a song by one of my favorite artist, Selena. It's been forever since I have actually played a CD in my car, especially not an old school burn CD! I love that I was able to pull it off, and I was happy to give everyone a piece of me, as all of those songs have played an important role in who I am today at 35.



I'm not a big fan of birthday dinners anymore, not since the infamous worst birthday of 2012. I feel like I enjoy the intimacy of small dinners these days more so than the over the top, invite everybody you know, make sure you bring cash because they don't split tabs birthdays. I feel more comfortable in a come as you are, leave when you want to setting, without having to think too hard about who gets along well with who, where do you sit kind of planning that takes away from the enjoyment of celebrating your birthday. This way I was able to mix and mingle, and not feel the shift in energy whenever a huge group gets together to break bread at a sit down dinner when everyone isn't already friends with each other. (Note, if you can bring all of your friends together and they all instantly click, then you my friend are truly blessed. For some reason, I have like 5 different sets of friends, and not all of them get along, so I tend to overthink any combined group outings.)





The drinks flowed freely, the laughter was abundant, and the cupcakes my sister made for me were delicious. It was exactly the easy-going, free spirited evening that my soul desired to bring in 35. After the party, I came home, wandered around my apartment trying to pack and got the chance to sit down with myself and read through the cards I'd received and really just reflect on the fact that I had just turned thirty-five years old.



Thirty-five is not what I imagined, and I'm fine with that. I've lived a lot in these thirty-five years, seen a lot, and definitely experienced a lot. I'm happy that I'm not living the life I had envisioned for myself at 15, or 20, 25 or even 30 for that matter... My vision is sometimes too small, what I've always thought I've wanted, the universe has given me better. The people I thought I needed in my life to be happy or be successful, the Lord has removed them, led me to others, and replaced the ones who didn't belong with others who did.. and even when I fought hard to be around some, I still learned lessons that I needed to from those choices I made, and that too has helped shatter my vision and give me an even better reality.

I'm a work in progress. Still, at 35, I'm not done growing, nowhere near complete with the evolution and there are changes being made everyday. This year I want to be better, and I will. I want to experience better, so I am. My vision for 35, will be way different by the time this year is over and I'm grateful for that. Life is all about living, and with living comes change. I may not like it, but it will all be necessary in the end.

I'm 35, and I'm grateful.