God's Timing..........

Over and over again, The Lord has proven that regardless of what I am going through He will always make a way for me. Even when I don't acknowledge the doors He has opened, or I attribute those minor happenings to luck or circumstance, He always continues to have my best interest at heart.

I've heard so many stories of everything just falling into place. The moments we stop planning, or trying to make things happen is when the miracles tend to occur. But why do we struggle so hard with trying to control things? I know without action, there will be no progress. I also know that with all action we must trust wholeheartedly in the abilities and the vision that has been placed inside of us. But how do we get to the point where we can truly let go and release all control? Is that the definition of faith?

I went to a speed-networking event last night, where attorneys licensed 5 years or less got the chance to sit down with more seasoned Judges & attorneys and ask them various questions about their journey. The majority of advice I received was encouraging, but there were a few conversations that left me feeling some type of way..some type of way. But seriously. I had the chance to speak to one of the only African-American female federal court judges, and she told me point blank that I need to start being fabulous... Easier said than done, but she was 100% serious. I spoke with another gentleman who had been practicing for over 15 years. He told me that I "need to get my life together" because I've been licensed too long to not know what I want to do for the remainder of my legal career. Yet another conversation that left me feeling some type of way.... I'm pretty sure their intentions were well, but maybe I didn't receive the message the way they intended. I feel like I've literally been struggling to desperately get my life together the last few years. From studying hard to become licensed, to getting fed up with job-hunting and rolling the dice to start my own practice...only to be faced with the decision to stop what I was doing to accept an opportunity with a firm doing a fellowship, to finally coming up on the end of my fellowship grant period to get hired by the firm I am currently with. My path hasn't been as straight and paved as most of the lawyers I met last night, but it's been my own. I try not to dwell on the should of, could of, would of scenarios when I look back on how things have worked out for me. I try not to let others critic my path too much, because they don't necessarily understand the moves I had to make to get to where I am. I may not be 100% certain of where I want to go, but I do 100% understand that all of those moves were designed specifically for me by God. I've cried so many tears, just wondering when something is going to happen. I've beat myself up so often just wondering when my big break would occur. I have even had moments where I cursed myself for even wanting to become an attorney, as it seems like it was more of a burden than a blessing. I told myself that while I was in law school gaining debt, everyone else was starting their lives and families. I convinced myself that I had to settle for the strays, because men are intimidated by the term attorney. I even got into the habit of telling people I met that I worked at the courthouse, just to avoid the awkwardness of explaining exactly what it is I actually do. I've avoided the praise, and downplayed the accomplishments I have made just because I didn't see them as "enough" as odd as that actually seems. But why? I have been blessed so tremendously, why would I ever want to downplay a gift from God. And then I feel guilty, because even as I type this I realize that 'that' is exactly what I've been doing. So maybe Judge was right, I do need to start being fabulous, feeling fabulous and realizing that a lot of the accomplishments I downplay have been fabulous... Hmm, epiphany or nah?

My faith needs to strengthen. I need to realize the strides I have made..... But I also need to realize that I cannot compare my walk, nor can I try to take short cuts or left turns on red.... I need to continue to acknowledge that God's timing has always been perfect, creating the right opportunities and chances.... Even when I have tried to rush things, and do things my own way instead of what I knew was right, everything has worked out in the end. I need to pray more, and just believe. There are so many desires in my heart, and He knows them all. I just need to be patient and realize that in His time, not mine, everything will work out for my good.

--Trust in the Lord with all thine Heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy path.

I'm in prayer for so many things. I want to make moves career wise, spiritually and personally. Life is like that I guess. We waste so much time wanting more, that we neglect what we already have. But would the vision have been implanted in us if we were to never bring it to pass? Faith is essential. Please continue to guide me Lord.......