Ode to April.

Pardon my French, but... 

Fuck April.

April, oh April. 

You've brought plenty of showers. 

Rain storms in the form of stress, sleepless nights, worry. 

Unwanted changes, hospital scares, random trips to the ER. 

Grown up decisions. 

Did I mention lack of sleep? 

I've been so worn out. 

So many weeks of hearing tales of how rough you have been to my friends. 

Everybody has seriously been through it this month... But fortunately there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

April showers, bring May flowers. 

That's my hope & belief. 

All the rain has set up May to be full of growth, increase, light, color, abundance & most importantly flowers. 

I can't say April was all bad, because it did have its share of good. 

I got to see a close friend marry the love of his life in New Orleans, I put on my first event with the organization I'm the social chair of, but most of all I've laughed so much that I'm almost certain all the trials and tribulations of this month will be funny to me in a few years. I can honestly say that although I didn't accomplish many of the goals I set for myself last month, I do still feel like this month was worth it. 

It takes hard times to truly appreciate the good ones. It takes something major for you to realize what and who is really important in life. Sometimes it takes you losing control, to truly be in control of things. 

April, I thank you for the lessons & the blessings, but I am so happy to see you go. One more full day till May..... 

And I'm ready for my blooms. 

April Goals....

The first three months of 2015 went by ridiculously fast. Slightly whirlwind-ish I would say. Now that the dust has settled and a new month is upon us, I'm looking forward to all that April has to bring. 

In an attempt to hold myself accountable, I decided to make some goals for the month for myself.

1) Read two books. I've been slacking. Work has been so overwhelmingly draining that the thought of having to read once I leave my office gives me hives. Not cool at all. I don't want to lose touch with one of my favorite past times simply because work has been so draining as of late. 

2) Spend QT with my sister. I get so caught up in the day to day that we rarely make time to do things with each other, which is also not cool. 

3) Actually work out. This one is self explanatory, but the way the weeks are set up this year it will be summer before we know it.  I'd prefer to be ready for it. 

4) Step my savings game up.... I've been doing a lot of spending, but slacking on the saving. I need to make sure I pay (myself) before I play. 

5) I would like to either try three new restaurants or events that I've never been to. I like having new experiences and there are plenty of things to do in Houston that I've neglected to explore and experience. 

For example, the Bayou City Arts Fest. This was my first year going and I loved it! So proud of my friend who iscurrently serving as Board President of the Houston Arts Alliance. They are responsible for hosting the festival and it turned out amazingly!!!

 

6) My most important goal for the month, and really the whole rest of the year is to step up my faith. I still struggle with doubt. The unknown terrifies me... But I get stronger with every lesson learned. I know I'm a work in progress, but I really want to hold myself accountable to recognizing my moments of doubt and leaning on Him moreso than leaning on my own understanding & reasoning.  

And with that, cheers to April!

A Journey.......

I didn't want to get out of bed Sunday morning.... My week was filled with phone calls that never came, devoid of the good morning texts I had become accustomed to, hours upon hours of days without the sun & entirely too many documents to review in the office. Needless to say my attitude had been on a continuous downward spiral and wallowing in the bed seemed like a much more viable option than getting up for church that morning. Fortunately, by habit I've trained myself to immediately roll over and check my phone first thing in the morning for any messages that may have come through while I was asleep. A text. Church..... I painstakingly rolled over and got dressed to meet my friends at the church we visited earlier this month.

As I waited for my friends arrival, the sun covered me and I instantly felt a moment of gratitude.
A moment of tranquility in the midst of the chaos that had gathered inside my mind.
And then we walked in, and after the pomp and circumstance the actual church service began...
By the first few sentences I knew this would be a message sent straight from the Lord specifically for my ears to hear.

The sermon was handcrafted to bring tears streaming down my face, and that it did.
As the pastor preached on having faith in the midst of waiting for your prayers to be answered I openly wept. Not because I was unhappy or sad, but because it truly brought comfort to me to know that what I was feeling was natural. So many times I had asked when would my prayers be answered. So many times, the things I have wanted so bad had been delayed and I truly had begun to lose hope in feeling as if those things would ever come true for me. There have been so many times where I let others drag me into believing that certain things would never come into fruition and that it was pointless to continue to pray for them to come true. The whole week prior to that moment I had asked myself why it appeared as if everyone elses prayers were being answered but mine...dreams were coming true, relationships were blooming,goals being achieved...but my prayers on halt for whatever reason.... The whole sermon was my reality...

Faith. The word slapped me in the face as it has so many times before. The one virtue that has constantly wavered throughout my journey, always a constant reminder that I must have faith. There will be obstacles and delays. Prayers will be answered in whatever order the Lord sees fit, but faith is something I must continuously have. I don't know how long it will take, but whenever it happens I will be glad it did. I must have faith and not lose sight of what I want in life just because it isn't coming when I want it to. I must continue to have faith along this journey and never cease praying for the desires in my heart. Even in the midst of waiting... I must have faith.


Patience.

After church, my friends and I decided to meet up in the park for a bike ride. I literally have not rode a bicycle since like 1994...
Seriously.
As usual I had my reservations, but I figured since the day was so beautiful I may as well forego my usual Sunday lounging & get out and do something different.

After what seemed like hours of waiting before our journey began, we finally headed out.

I would be lying if I said it was easy, and that I didn't want to give up so many times. There were so many turns and twists... Bumps along the way... obstacles. I had moments where I had to stop and catch my breathe and fight back tears because I literally felt as if I could not go on.

At one point, I watched as my friends set out in front of me as I lagged behind. I felt defeated, and almost envious as I watched them in the distance. Left behind. Almost losing control. But not once did I fall.

My friends brother stayed behind and offered advice & encouragement... We traveled at our own pace, as I admired the scenery. We rode through the park, into downtown and then finally we reached a stopping point.

As I hopped off my bike, I not only felt angry but annoyed that they had sped by so many things without taking the opportunity to gaze upon the sights...
and in that moment of frustration (and one of my friends popping off) I turned around and saw what the rush had been about. The view of the entire downtown skyline was behind us.

Sometimes life is not about keeping up the pace with everyone else. Everyone has their own obstacles to overcome, their own sights to see, their own falls...setbacks, twists and turns...but ultimately if you keep pushing and moving forward you will all make it in the exact manner that you are supposed to. There is no need to rush, or take short cuts... Just keep going, and working towards your goals....

After taking a moment to admire our city and have a mini-photo session, we took off for our next destination...
Mango Beach.

Snow cones & fried desserts gave us the fuel we needed to finish the final leg of our ride.

I was able to keep up the rest of the way. After miles of practice, I finally got the hang of things.

It was easy, like riding a bike.....
No pun intended.

I had to fight through it, but I didn't lose sight of our final destination.
I had moments of weakness, but I told myself to keep pushing.... keep pedaling, until finally we made it.

Life really is a journey. We must have faith in knowing that one day everything will fall into place. Every set back, and every delay will prepare us for that moment when we are ready to cross the finish line. All the people that leave us behind, everyone that you watch in the distance.... Maybe they left for a reason, and maybe they are too far off in the the distance for us to really see the things they are dealing with on their own. Just keep going.

The feeling of finally making it feels so good, but the battle getting there is what really matters.

Life really is a journey...

A Little This, A Little That...

I've been longing for....

Spring. 

For something to occur out of the ordinary. 

To be overcome with infatuation & have the feeling be mutual. 

Pastels. 

Sunny days. 

Lightheartedness and overflow of whimsy. 

New adventures. 

Soul connections that breed longevity & consistency. 

But most of all, I'm longing for freedom. 

And to be captured. 

Simultaneously. 

This has been the coldest, rainiest, lack of sunshine present everyday March I can remember. I'm miserable. Well, not miserable in the sense that I haven't been enjoying my days... but miserable in the sense that I stare out my office window everyday into gray skies. Gray skies lead to daydreaming of a land far far away, but it does not lead to the most productive use of my work days. 

I miss Spring. I really and truly do. Yes, I understand that Spring doesn't officially begin until March 20th, but down here it usually would have made an early appearance by now. I'm pretty sure I'll live to regret this request for warmer temperatures once Summer arrives, but for right now all I want is a patio and a sundress. But I digress. 

Nothing much going on in these parts. 

A lot of trip planning, concert going, memory making, giggles and living. 

And daydreaming of course....

Oh, and curls. 

Mood.

I'm still trying to figure out how today is March 1st. I feel like I was just toasting to the new year, and getting ready for my trip to New York... yet here we are, already in the third month of the year. But I digress. 

I feel like although I had a busy weekend, it was pretty chill. I've been in a strange mood lately. Maybe it was the returning to reality after being in New Orleans, or the fact that it's still cold in Houston & I can't remember what the sun looks like...

It's hard to explain, but I just feel restless lately. I've had plenty of nights where I've stared at the wall well into the night unable to fall asleep, with my mind on so much. I don't necessarily have anything negative going on... I just feel restless, like there is more or something else I need to be doing. 

Last weekend, we went to a party at the Museum of Fine Arts Houston. I followed up with going to an event at Esperson Gallery and by that Sunday morning my spirit was yearning to do something creative.

When I was young, I spent the majority of my days either reading, writing, painting or conducting some sort of scientific experiments. Needless to say, I was (still kind of am) a nerd. It has been years since I created something of my own (outside of those Painting with a Twist birthday parties) so I figured it was time to do something about that. 

A friend and I took to Michael's and I bought paints, brushes, canvases and ink for calligraphy. I went home and just freestyled some abstract art. 

I'm so out of practice, but it just felt good to create something that didn't require too much thought or that wasn't for work. I honestly feel like the more we learn, the less we create. It's hard to find time to pursue your passions when you spend so many hours of the day working. 

Last week, I reviewed so many documents and looked at so many files that I literally cringed at the thought of reading for pleasure when I got home. Reading is something I truly love, so I  know something has to give. 

I love being an attorney, but I'll be damned if it strips me of all my creativity. -End rant. But seriously. Something has got to give, so I resolved to do something that taps into my creative side on the regular. 

My work week was pretty busy, as it has consistently been since last November but it went by fast so that's good. I spent this past Friday night having dinner with a close friend from high school & enjoying drinks and alittle people watching at a nearby lounge. 

Saturday, I went to the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Cook-Off, where I drank and ate entirely too much. Always a blast. 

I woke up ridiculously late this morning, and cleaned up until it was time for my spa date with my best friend. We went to Sensia Japanese Day Spa for hot stone massages and I've been plastered to my bed ever since I made it home from our post-massage gossip session. 

I literally have not moved for hours. I would be concerned if it didn't feel so good. But I figure I deserve it.... 

My March will be filled with a few fun outings hopefully, but for now I'm hoping my mood changes. And if it doesn't, I hope I can atleast make some sense of it and figure out exactly I'm supposed to be doing or learning from it. 

It's like the universe is calling out to me for some reason or another, I just haven't put my finger on the reason quite yet... but I'm doing my best to be receptive. 

I guess we shall see......

About New Orleans.......

Sometimes lessons are learned when you least expect them.
One single moment in time can completely change your outlook on life.
Decisions suddenly make sense.
The people you met in the past, somehow reflect who you are now & in the future.
Moments have meaning.
And then suddenly,
clarity.
It just all makes sense.

This past weekend, my friends and I travelled to New Orleans, Louisiana to attend the 2015 Zulu Coronation Ball at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center. This event is held annually in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, and is one of the largest social events in the city during this time. I had never attended the Zulu Ball, but have been wanting to go for years. I casually mentioned it to one of my friends, and he took it upon himself to make this trip reality for all of us...and after a few calls and a little bit of research our table was confirmed and we were on our way.

We arrived in New Orleans Friday night, and after much preparation we made it to Zulu...

And now a moment of transparency....

Despite the accolades, the titles, the clothes and accomplishments...there was once a time when I viewed myself in a very negative light, and that negativity not only took hold of my thoughts...it sometimes guided my actions as well. I went to college in Louisiana, and despite home (Houston) being a mere four hours away, I was light years away from my safe zone. Instead of focusing my energies on self-improvement, I looked towards others to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle. I wanted to feel confident and powerful, so I hung out with people who I thought fit that description. I wore as little as I could to attract the attention I thought I desired at the time. I had whomever I wanted and lived life without regrets making decisions while disregarding reputation. I just was not myself. Although I had fun, I wasn't necessarily happy with all and what I was doing...and then I grew up and moved on.

Since I did go to college in Louisiana, it was more than happenstance that I ran into a lot of my old friends/acquaintances from undergrad. Although I didn't see everybody, I did run into two in particular who played a monumental role in my life during those aforementioned dark ages. It was as if the universe ordained the crowds to part for me to walk upon the one I wanted to be the one at that time in my life.....

It had been years since I saw this individual, and in five minutes every single hope and dream of the past became a praise for the present. Retrospect is a motherfucker bitch beast. One thing I have learned in life is you attract what you project. If you aren't happy with yourself it's hard to connect with people who are happy with themselves, and vice versa. The people you thought were meant to be there, more than likely were only meant for the moment to either tread through the darkness with you, or lead you out. In this case, I made it out on my own and for the better.... And there is no need to look back, but I digress.

We partied well into the night while listening to performances by The Isley Brothers, Fantasia and Juvenile, drank our little hearts out and enjoyed snacks to keep us fueled throughout the night. It was well past 6 am, when my head finally touched the pillow in our hotel. It was a good time indeed.

Since we were going to be in town the entire weekend, we decided to enjoy some of the parades being held around town. We parked and walked mile after mile, enjoying the Endymion parade. When we had finally had our fix of bead catching, we headed over to a house party and danced the night away for a few more hours. We attempted to head towards the infamous Bourbon Street and French Quarter, but were not feeling being in the traffic after walking 18k steps during the parade & so we headed back to our hotel.

We had an early flight on Sunday, so after a few more hours of laughter and recalling the numerous happenings over the weekend we called it a night.

Since New Orleans is one of those "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" type towns this is definitely the abridged and Cliff Notes version of our trip, but I can honestly say there were a lot of memories made that I will definitely sit back and smile on for years to come. I enjoy being around positive people, with positive energy radiating all around them. I love meeting new people, and spending time with others who are not so new. New Orleans is like a second home to me, and I can't wait for my next trip....

All Hail, Zulu and Laissez les bons temps rouler!!!! :)

More.

Although Winter is one of my favorite seasons, I can honestly say these last few weeks have definitely had me feeling extra emotional. It's been five days since the sun has shown its face in Houston. The temperatures have been well below average, and the sky has only been shades of grey..... 

The new year has been full speed ahead, with work holding steady and days flying by. We are already half way through January! My God! Time doesn't last as long as it used to.. I've been doing my best to hold on to those last sprinkles of magic from my New York adventure, but slowly the glitter is fading away and I find myself longing... longing for another journey, longing for another adventure. Just longing for more.

My friends and I visited a new church this past Sunday. I can honestly say it has been months since I've steadily attended the church I'm actually a member of. I used to faithfully attend service every Sunday, then my visits became more and more sparse until I was an official member of Bedside Baptist, watching services online every week. I still got the word, but I still feel as if something was missing from physically being in the sanctuary. 

The morning started off ugly. It was freezing cold, and rain was pouring. Perfect sleep in weather. Had it not been for a text from one of my friends, I probably would've stayed burrowed under the covers awaiting my standing date with Olivia and Elliott. But we soldiered on and were mightily blessed. 

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."

Proverbs 27:9

I'm so happy my friends included me in their quest to find a new church home, because from the moment we walked in until the time we left I felt blessed. 

The pastor preached on the prayer of Jabez. I personally was not familiar with this verse of the bible, but it was preaching directly to us and our current situation in life. 

1 Chronicles 4:9

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

Jabez made the perfect requests of God. He asked for more. And not only did he ask for more, he asked to be happy with the more he was blessed with, in God's will. Because even though you ask for something, it may not be in God's will. That's not saying that you will never get blessed, because you will.... You just have to be happy with the blessing you receive.  Every human experience just is not for everybody. 

I've often found myself feeling guilty for wanting more out of life. I got the salary, but I still don't have the husband and find myself disappointed. Why are you still asking for more Fal? You should be happy with what you have. I am, but there is still more that I desire. And that's okay. 

We all oftentimes find ourselves wondering why it seems like others have been blessed more than we have. Well, just like Jabez was born out of pain, a lot of times we don't see the behind the scenes and pain others had to endure in order to get their blessings. No one has lived the perfect life, and despite what it looks like on Facebook, everyone has faced some form of heartbreak, or setback or challenge in life before they made it. And accordingly, sometimes it takes great pain to experience extreme pleasure and blessings in life. I've had my share of down times. I should definitely be more than confident that every blessing God has for me is still out there for my claiming. We just have to keep striving....

Live righteously, keep praying, and keep waiting. If it is in God's will for your life, it is on it's way. I just pray that I have the ability to be happy with whatever it is I'm blessed with. 

We just need to keep asking for more. It's not selfish, or ungrateful to desire to live your best life possible. The wait is the hardest part, but that's where faith comes into play. 

After church I had no choice but to smile for the rest of my rainy Sunday. I genuinely needed to receive that word.....

The work week is halfway over, and as I'm sitting here looking at the dreariness outside my window, I can't help but think about the more that is out there for me. 

We've been talking about trips all morning in our group chat... Now the only thing I need to work on is the more money I'll need to save up to take those trips, but that's a story for another day....

I can genuinely say that I'm happy with the "more."