This Will Be....

This will be a rant...

Or maybe, bitch session is a better description of how I'm feeling. Either way, I just feel like complaining, and whining, and discussing everything I'd rather be doing right now than at work in my office. Blame Mother Nature, or me. Or both....

Maybe I'm not a fan of January's. Too many expectations, not enough sunlight. This January has been so slow that it's starting to piss me off. It feels and looks disgusting outside. Everyone is in hibernation mode and doesn't want to do anything. All of my friends are on self-proclaimed diets so there goes the random midday lunch dates, happy hours & brunch outings. It's too cold to be fashionable, but then it's still Houston so it could be hot the next day, which leads to more clothing frustration. Going to court everyday in January is no good. Suits. Wind. Skirts. Just no. 

My brain has been in a fog. I don't feel productive which leads to guilt. I feel guilty for not doing more. I want to do more but then I hit a mental road block and just end up crashing when I get home. I should be doing so many things, but my motivation is at a minimum. I went out and bought fresh flowers for my apartment just because I needed some life in my space. 

Flowers helped a little. Then, I got the bright idea that I needed a wreath as well. I went to Michael's and opted to get the supplies to make my own, because you know I create things. I'm creative. I went to start working on my creation after work yesterday and then was like nah. I'll be heading back to Michaels today to return said purchase & will just buy the one I saw that I liked, because I just can't. My mind is too out of sorts. 

Mercury in retrograde? Or just me needing to get my shit together. I'm not sure. 

I need to see things everyday and focus on visualization. I wrote power words on my chalkboard so I can leave everyday with them on my mind. 

Seeing is believing apparently. 

I'm praying for some sunshine this weekend. Tomorrow I'm taking a mental health day, so hopefully a break from the day to day will get me back centered and refocused. I'm not unhappy or anything like that. I'm just antsy. Things need to get moving. I need something better than good to happen. I need some new life breathed into me. I need a get-away, some new scenery, a drive down a different street, a taste of a new dish, a frolic in the park. Something. Just not this same old, same old routine. I need some newness. 

End rant. 

Five Days In......

I completely missed the mark on having a 2015/Christmas/NYE recap ready to go.... 

Because in all honesty, fuck sorry not sorry 2015.....

Although a lot of monumental things occurred last year, like a lot of travel (New York, Austin, New Orleans, Chicago, Abu Dhabi, New Delhi, Agra, Dubai, Baton Rouge) a lot of changes & transitions (moved into my new place, lost my grandmother, dealt with the on-going after math of having a parent with a degenerative disease) and a lot of prove your strength moments, and so on and so forth.... this year was almost too much. 

When the clock struck midnight, I literally had to take a moment and step outside because tears were streaming down my face. This was definitely my first time ever crying with not only relief but realization that I had made it through the year. I feel like every hard year is met with disbelief and recognition that you made it through once the new year rolls around, but at some point something has got to give right? With that being said, I have decided to skip the recap and just focus solely on what lies ahead. I would be lying if I said it were easy to just look beyond everything that occurred last year, but what I do want to focus on is taking everything that did happen last year and using it as a testament and attribute to everything I will accomplish & live through gracefully this new year.

As it stands, we are five days in to the new year and I can wholeheartedly say that I do not have any resolutions.... I actually kind of prefer the term "intentions" over resolutions.

Of my various intentions, I plan to focus on creativity, love, compassion, freedom & planning......

Being an attorney, legit monopolizes one side of my brain, while holding the other side hostage. I want to write. I want to create. I want to be surrounded by beautiful words, and people, characters & energy. It is my intention to do just that this year. Every event, moment, opportunity, space & avenue available I want to take advantage of. I welcome all creative (caveat: must be positive) souls & energies I come into contact with as long as their purpose is to inspire me to do my work.....

Love. I said it in my last post. Still feel the exact same way about it. I am open, and finally ready to welcome it into my life.

I started out as a legal aid attorney. I miss pro bono work. I miss volunteerism. I miss helping. It is my intent to become more involved in my passion. I lost sight of it along the way, but my heart yearns to get back to my roots. This year I need to get more active in the community & doing things that benefit not only myself....


Freedom & planning. Sounds contradictory, but to me they make perfect sense. I'm happy when I have things to do. I have the freedom and ability to do whatever it is I want to do.... I must plan on doing something. This year, I retreated so far into myself that I lost time & missed opportunities to experience so many things. I don't want life to pass me by. Although I love my peaceful in the house moments, there is so much more to life than that. I live in a major city, yet know hardly anything about what is going on in the city. I need to do better. While I have the freedom & autonomy to do things, I must also make an effort to make plans and actually do stuff. Once I have a child and other responsibilities, I won't have as much freedom as I do now. I need to utilize this time wisely so I will not be left with any regrets when I enter into the next stage of my existence.

2016 is going to be more purposeful than 2015.....

I have set my intentions & and am ready to truly live and enjoy my year.

And since my friends and I were cute on NYE, I'll go ahead and make a shameless plug and post a few pictures below:

Fin. 

Ready.

I'm ready for 2015 to be over. 

I'm ready for new beginnings,

New adventures, 

New lessons,

Love and laughter. 

I'm ready for fresh moments, 

Memories, 

Embraces, 

Growth. 

I'm ready to heal, and to move past the hurt of this year. I'm ready for the voids to be filled & for me to figure out what it was all for. 

I'm ready for new ideas,

Rejuvenation, 

Fulfillment. 

Next steps, 

Journeys, 

And self-discovery. 

This year has proven so much, and prepared me for so much, but I'm just ready. 

Ready to start anew. 

Ready to make changes for the better. 

Ready to continue towards my destiny. 

Take steps closer to my fate. 

I'm just ready. 

iBooks & Chill

One of my sister-friends asked what was going on with me as of late since we didn't have the opportunity to chat one on one after her tribe meeting/bridal planning committee brunch. My answer was pretty straight forward. Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm riding the no news is good news wave until the wheels fall off. 

I can't believe today is already the last day of November. That means this year is almost a wrap. Do I have any major plans for the month of December? Kinda, but not really. 

A quick turnaround trip for a holiday party hosted by a law firm in Atlanta. Some holiday get togethers, and finally some additional rest & relaxation days off from work before 2016 kicks into gear. 

Thanksgiving was a blur. Peaceful, serene. Not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but still a very solemn gathering of family. I came, I ate, then I retreated back to my place and spent the majority of my weekend on the couch or in my bed reading. 

I didn't feel like shopping, socializing, not even really moving.... I can't say I regret having such a lazy extended weekend, and I sort of feel like it was exactly what my soul needed. 

Rejuvenation. 

Peace. 

iBooks and chill. 

Weekend Randoms

Life has been so heavy lately, and I really just wanted a chill weekend. I was off work Friday, and decided to literally just RELAX. 

I woke up early & took my daddy to a doctors appointment, ran a few errands, got my hair done and ended my evening with dinner at Chili's. Southwestern Eggrolls for the win, and fell asleep on my couch watching Gone Girl. 

I attempted to sleep in Saturday morning, but someone has their body clock set up to wake up the same time every day, so I didn't want to screw up the house brokenness and got up to take my puppy outside. 

After braving the cold, we came inside and watched movies for a few hours before I went grocery shopping and ran more errands. Life is filled with so many errands. I remember another attorney in my office once saying that he hadn't stepped foot in a grocery store since he got married. After I fought the urge to want to slap him, I determined that the answers to life's problems was to get a wife.  But I digress. 

I'm into randomness, so when I saw an advertisement for a Native American Pow Wow taking place not too far from the city, I had to be in attendance. Because, why not? 

It was held at Traders Village, which is a huge outdoor flea market selling literally everything. Every. Thing. 

We walked around for a bit, ate like savages, browsed the various booths and caught the tail end of the dance competition. 

We walked around for quite a bit, and even bought a few items. Definitely was an interesting, but fun experience.  

After the Pow Wow, I was drained. I was supposed to go out for a friends birthday happy hour, but laid down for a thirty minute nap that last till 6:45 am the next morning instead... Whoops. 

I woke up energized on Sunday morning and met a girlfriend for brunch at Triniti Restaurant. Such a cute venue and the food was delicious! 

It was great catching up. I hadn't done Sunday brunch in quite some time, so I'm happy our schedules finally coordinated for us to meet. 

After brunch, I told myself I would go home and be productive. Instead, I slept some more. 

I woke up hungry a few hours later, but felt too lazy to cook so I ended my Sunday with take-out and more lounging. 

Needless to say, I did not accomplish much this weekend.  Fortunately I don't have a problem with that whatsoever. 

Did anyone have a more productive weekend than mine?

-34-

Yesterday, November 9th, I turned 34. And although the occasion went without all the bells & whistles I usually reserve for birthday celebrations, my day was still everything is was supposed to be. I had a low- key weekend filled with laughter, warmth, peace, friendship, love and rest.

My best friend from law school came down for the weekend to see my new place and for birthday QT since it had been a year since we saw each other last. We headed out the door minutes after her arrival to make an 8pm dinner reservation... I honestly wasn't in the mood for celebrations this year, but another girlfriend of mine encouraged me to at the least have dinner or something to prevent me from spending the Friday before my birthday in pajamas... so we were off to Danton's Gulf Coast Seafood.

I kept it intimate, and small with only a couple of my girlfriends. The positive energy and light was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. We eat good, talked about life and of course took photos before heading home...

My friend and I were up bright & early the next morning for the 2015 Walk to End Alzheimer's. Since I was a team captain, I was responsible for organizing the team meet up and getting shirts for everyone. Everyone was in good spirits for the walk, despite the terrible weather but we braved the storm and not only finished the walk but exceeded our team fundraising goal! I'm kind of upset I missed my personal goal of $500 by a measly $125, but I am still happy that collectively we raised over $1350 to support the cause!

After the walk, we grabbed lunch, made a pit stop at Target & returned home to a sick puppy. I won't even let all the shit mess I cleaned up take up too much space in my memories, but my God... For something so cute and small, so much shit..... I guess this is how parents feel with their babies. But I digress.

After that horrific clean up, I deserved some rest. And rest we did. Hours passed, and we slept, and slept and slept. We were so lazy, that we didn't even want to get to cook food, or leave to get anything. Another friend from law school came through in the clutch. Not only did he bring us food, he pretty much got us exactly what we wanted based off a list of cravings we sent him. Real MVP, he stayed and played life catch up with us while we sat on our couch looking homeless in our headscarves and me in my duster. We were literally falling asleep on him by the time he finally left....

I slept in Sunday morning, and afternoon & probably would have continued to sleep had I not told my friends to meet us at 1:45 pm to carpool to the Renaissance Festival. We finally made it to the fairgrounds after about an hour ride into the middle of the country. We even saw confederate flags flying along the way deeper into the country. When we finally made it, we were instantly transported back in time to the days of knights and wizards.

The Renaissance Festival was so much fun! The perfect mix of friends, and just an overall good time....
We walked around for hours eating, drinking, shopping, site-seeing and my best friend from college & I were even able to get our palms read...
My friends are insane! I wouldn't have it any other way.

I didn't take as many photos as I would have liked, but the jokes will forever be etched in my mind.

Good times, great people, excellent wine.

I made Monday, my actual birthday a mental health day & took a day away from the office. I had a spa appointment scheduled, as well a few other to-do's but overall I just wanted a tranquil birthday.

First off, the spa treatment gave me my ENTIRE life. Raindrop therapy. If your spa offers it, splurge and go for it. Definitely worth it....

After spa day, we grabbed food and went back to my place for a bit while my cable got installed....

It took, a while.

Then finally they were done, and we ran to the mall to test our chakra stability in Aveda.... Apparently, my 7th chakra needs balancing....

It's my goal to work on that alignment.

I ended my birthday with my family. We ate, they sang happy birthday, and I was officially 34.....

So many emotions flooded over me, and I legit spent the last few hours of my birthday in tears....

Once I get my crown chakra back where it needs to be I'll be good,
until then, the way my chakras set up.

My birthday was far from my norm, but perfect nonetheless.

It was filled with all of the right elements, vibes, feelings and people....

This year will be better than the next.

Cheers.

Countdowns....

I can honestly say that this is probably the first year in a long time where I have not counted down the days until my birthday. (It's on the 9th.......) I'm usually super excited and have a laundry list of plans laid out in anticipation of the day. But, this year has been a lot.......

So instead of counting down the days until, I'm counting down some of the lessons & things I've learned over these last 33 soon to be 34 years....

34. Don't be afraid to say no. A lot of times I did things just because I was too scared to say no. What I've learned is, your friends won't mind as there is always a next time. And anyone who gets  mad at you for not wanting to do something probably is selfish and doesn't care as much about you as they should anyway. 

33. Bend but don't break. Piggy backing off the no, if you have to do something, at least be brave enough to do it on your own terms or at least compromise. 

32. Don't be afraid to buy something that you want every once in a while. 

31. Don't be afraid to try new things. Foods included. Had it not been from some convincing from a friend I would have never known the joy of Southwestern Eggrolls from Chili's. I'm still working on trying out sushi...

30. It's okay to be selfish every once in awhile. 

29. And if you choose to be selfish, make sure it's for a good reason. 

28. It's also okay to put your needs first. 

27. But, if you do decide to put you first, make sure it's not at anyone's detriment. 

26. Smile. 

25.  It's okay to cry. 

24. Don't compare yourself to others. 

23. Jealously is not acceptable in any situation because you never know the behind the scenes on any story. 

22. Everyone is not meant to be in your life forever. 

21. Season or a reason, is probably the most real advice ever. Period. 

20. Change is inevitable. Accept it. 

19.  Love doesn't hurt. In any form or fashion. 

18. If somebody is holding you down and stopping you from reaching your full potential, they probably don't belong in your life. 

17. Don't date just for fun. You want to be married, so don't waste your time on men who tell you up front they don't believe in marriage. 

16. If somebody cheats once, twice, fifteen times, stop forgiving them and move the hell on. 

15. Mother usually knows best, but not all the time. 

14. Some experiences are yours alone, and are not meant to be shared. 

13. Vibes never lie. 

12. Trust your instinct. 

11. Don't believe every thing you read, see or hear. 

10. Protect your heart. It's one of your most prized possessions and everyone doesn't deserve a chance to experience it. 

9. Be selective on who you give yourself to. Everybody doesn't deserve to experience that aspect of you either. 

8. It's okay to make them wait. 

7. And if you don't feel like waiting, then.....

6. Hard work does pay off. 

5. Risking it all every now and then isn't always a bad thing. 

4. Save something for a rainy day. Budget is important. 

3. Stop second guessing yourself. You know more than you think. 

2. Don't wallow in your pain. Although I'm still working on this one. You would think the proof would be in the pudding. But I digress. 

I think the most important lesson I've learned is:

1. Give people their flowers while they're here. Losing my grandmother the day BEFORE her birthday definitely changed my perspective on life and living. Not a day is promised. Not even your birthday. Even dealing with the issues with my father. I can only hope the I Love You's and positive memories are stored deep down inside in a place that disease can't touch. You have to let people know how you feel about them in the now. You have to live in the present and enjoy every moment you can because life is not for forever. Nothing is.