Badu.

I love checking items off my bucket list, and seeing Erykah Badu in concert was one of those items I can now mark as completed. I've been a fan of hers for years, from her beautiful voice, her eclectic spirit, to her don't give a fuck damn attitude, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ms. Badu! I love the fact that she is a fellow Texan & HBCU attendee, but more than anything I love that she is wholeheartedly & apologetically herself!

When I heard that she would be in Houston during Memorial Day weekend I jumped at the opportunity to see her. Although my Memorial Day weekend went nothing like I originally planned, seeing her in concert was enough to make up for my lackluster three day holiday.

Although the show started an hour late, it was well worth it. Her opening was alright.... Although he talked entirely too much, he did sound amazing during the moments he stopped talking and actually sang...

By the time she finally came out we were all pretty restless and getting sleepy.... She sang so many hits, both new & old, but in all honesty my night was made when she sang my favorite song of hers...

Your energy
Feels so damn good to me
It picks me up don't wanna come down.....

Anytime you see Erykah Badu in concert you must dress accordingly. I knew I wanted to wear something simple, yet still unique. In my head, I said WWSW ~ What Would Solange Wear~ and poof there goes my outfit.

I usually don't mix patterns this blatantly, but I felt like this combination was the perfect fit to see Erykah Badu in concert.

Unfortunately the remainder of my Memorial Day weekend was nothing in comparison to seeing the great one. I ended up in bed the majority of the day following the concert. I went to brunch with friends, and came home & crashed. Another girlfriend wanted to go to a party later that night but I just was not feeling it. By the time I woke up the next day I felt so terrible that I actually ended up going to an urgent care clinic and was diagnosed with an ear infection. I knew there was a reason my spirits were just not on the level that they should of been, but apparently I was fighting an illness and just attributed my mood a bad attitude and not the pain I was in. Go figure.

Anyways, once I got antibiotics in my system my attitude improve tremendously. I got a lot of rest, I watched a lot of Disney Channel, but most important of all: I finally saw Erykah Badu in concert.

A Year Since........

It's been exactly one year since my grandmother passed away. I still miss her terribly, and yearn for the moments we shared together while she was here. I don't have many words, outside of I still and forever will love you with all my heart & I will miss you until I see you again....

And with that, I will share the post I wrote a few days after her passing..

~In Remembrance~

Her Last Day.....
If someone told you that today would be your last day on this Earth, what would you do? Would you shrink down in fear or would you make an effort to see all the people you loved most, eat your favorite foods, travel to a foreign land, sleep in?

The possibilities are endless of things I would want to do, but unfortunately we never know when that day will come....

This past Saturday, my aunt and grandmother traveled down to Houston for the weekend. My grandmother wanted to stay in the city for the week and celebrate her birthday with us on June 1st before going back home to Louisiana.

Saturday was just like any typical day....
We all gathered at my moms house per usual, and laughed


& talked like we always do when we have family in town. My grandmother asked me if she looked ok, and I told her of course, and said she looked pretty. She asked, "Do I girl?" and I said "Yes girl!" She showed me her nails, which she had just got done, and said that she was hungry. My mother fixed her a plate, and when she finished she said that she was tired and wanted to lay down in the bed next to me. She soon fell asleep, and I left her so that she could rest quietly.

As the evening progressed, another storm blew through Houston. Thunder boomed loudly outside, and eventually all the lights in the neighborhood went out.
The sound of the thunder (and us laughing) was so loud that it woke my grandmother up from her nap and she walked to the front of the house to join us.

The storm raged on, and the darkness lingered. I went to lay down until the lights came back, and fell asleep to the sound of my family laughing, putting together puzzles & reminscing on the past. I didn't get up to join in, but found comfort in the sounds.

By the time the lights came back on, it was late in the afternoon. My grandmother had brought gifts for my sister and I as she had started doing on all of her visits. She whispered in my ear not to argue over the items with my sister & I told her that I wouldn't because that's not how I roll. She laughed and went on about getting her things together to go over to my aunts for bed. I can't remember if I hugged her one last time before she left, but I do remember her making sure that we got everything she had brought for us out of the car before she left.

Sunday, May 31, 2015, on the eve of her 85th birthday, my grandmother left this Earth and went home to be with the Lord. She had passed away peacefully in her sleep, and did not make it to see her birthday the next day.

We were shocked, filled with grief, confusion and misunderstanding but it was nothing we could do because she was already gone.

We all have been taking it hard, but in a sense I feel as if I would be taking it even harder if I was not fortunate enough to have spent her last day on this Earth with her. She was determined to get to Houston, to rest and enjoy her time with us before she had to go home....and she did.

Had I known it would have been the last day I would see her alive, I would not have let her go. But that's not the way life is set up. I've tried not to think of too many what-ifs or what could've been done to prevent this from happening but I have given up. I know everything happened just like it was supposed to, where it was supposed to and when it was supposed to. I'm happy I was apart of the final pages of her story. I'm grateful for that last conversation, those last interactions and the final goodbye.

It hurts, but I know we will heal. Her legacy will continue and I will always love her.

I just wish I had of known it was going to be her last day.

She.

Today she was the ocean. 

Restless, and moody. 

Constantly in motion.

Waves of this, emotions raging, swirling, gurgling...

Waves of that, flowing, peaceful, calming, serene. 

Fluid. 

Surf. 

Ripe tides. 

Lost at sea, 

because see she...

Is all encompassing. Sustaining, yet dangerously unpredictable. 

Depth.

To the ocean floors, back up to sea level, 

because she levels.. up. 

And see, some days she is like the ocean, 

violent, yet specific, Pacific even.. 

Blue & mesmerizing. 

Some days she is the ocean & 

Others she is the sea. 

Puerto Rico.

Life has been so intense lately that I almost forgot I was even on vacation a few weeks ago. Last month a friend and I went to Puerto Rico on a whim & it was definitely a great time! One day I was sitting in my office bored working, and my good friend Noelle posted a travel deal for round trip tickets from Houston to Puerto Rico. I have been talking about a beach trip for so long that I thought what the hell, may as well buy it. Right as I was whipping my American Express card out my wallet, another attorney in my firm was walking into my office to gossip to discuss important lawyer things and asked what I was buying. I told her and seconds later she was back in her office buying the ticket to go with me. We didn't have any major to-do's in Puerto Rico outside of eating everything in sight, but I knew I wanted to see the El Yunque Rainforest while I was there. And with that we set off to see Puerto Rico!

I tried to share pictures here that I did not post to Instagram, but as you can see our trip consisted of a lot of beach, a lot of eats & and a whole lot of rainforest. We also went clubbing one night, had dinner at Bar Gitano & lunch at Barrachina, which are both restaurants I would recommend to any one visiting Puerto Rico. The only thing we did not get to do while there was visit the Barcardi Factory, but in all honesty my body probably could not have handled anymore rum coursing through my veins, but I digress. Puerto Rico was a good time, and I cannot wait to go back!

PS, I have no idea why I have been at such a loss for words lately. I have so much going on in my mind, but when I sit down to write the thoughts are usually too jumbled to be formulated into rational words, or I open up my laptop and instantly fall asleep. I'm in a rut, that I hope to get out of sooner than later. Just know that a lot has been going on, and once I have energy I hope to get it all out so I don't forget any of it. Life has just been a lot. Just, man listen...

May.

I had to take a moment for myself and ride the wave that was known as April out. April was a cluster. April was long days, and even longer nights. It was stress, it was loss, it was passion, it was disappointment. Unexpectancy. Expectancy. Expecting. Adventure. April brought desire, it brought yearning. It brought deception & decisions. April was truly a whole entire Lifetime movie & I am over it. 

My trip to Puerto Rico (which I'll discuss in detail later) was right on time. It took me out of the city right when I needed a break from the reality I had been living. I got the opportunity to be away from the world, even though I still had access to the world at the tip of my fingers... But sometimes fully removing yourself from a situation is necessary for one to gain clarity and see things for yourself that you normally would not have seen while being caught up in the moment. A lot was happening behind the scenes during my absence from Houston, and I needed to be a way so I could come back stronger than I was when I left. 

With all of that being said, without even saying too much, I decided to take a new approach this month and instead of dwelling on what went wrong in my March & April, I would focus on what will be going right in my May. 

Romanticizing. I saw a friend post a quote one night that resonated with my soul and my current situation. 

I've come to the conclusion that I have a bad habit of romanticizing situations. I can't want something so bad that I self sacrifice myself, and give people credit that they do not deserve. I can't ignore the obvious. I can't sell myself short. I can't accept positions that I don't deserve. I can't sacrifice respect for attention. I just cannot settle for whatever I'm being given, just because I'm tired of waiting for what I truly deserve. I made some mistakes that I know were necessary for my growth, and to gain insight into lessons I still needed to learn. I will be more aware the next go round. I will not make a situation out to be something that it will never really be. I will no longer allow myself to deal with whatever just so I can say I have someone I'm dealing with. Never, again. 

Mercury is in retrograde so I can probably attribute that to a lot of the emotional roller coasters I resided on in April. One thing I have been told is that during this time you have to remain as focused as ever, and just realize everything that is going on is merely going on because of the retrograde and not because your life is just that tragic. 

So instead of wallowing, I'm putting that energy elsewhere and into something more positive. When I feel some type of way, I'll write it out, I'll downward dog it away or I'll just put my thoughts into something positive until I feel more at ease with things. Meditate, read or just cultivate my thoughts somewhere less toxic to myself. 

Personally, I know positivity has often times been easier said than done for me but I feel like a shift is on the horizon. I'm tired of not feeling my best self and I know I have the power to make things better. The Universe is receptive to the vibes you're throwing out and I want to send out nothing but good things so even better things can come back to me, so for May, my only goal is to get myself back together. 

And what better way to start than going to see Beyoncé tonight at NRG. If that's not a catalyst for greatness this month, then I don't know what else is.....

With that being said.. 

Come through, May....

Too Much

Today is one of those stare out the window, wonder where the sun has gone, spend too many minutes ignoring emails, while you try to figure out your purpose in life kind of days for me. I'm legit in my office wrapped in a blanket, questioning if I have enough money in my savings to give up this attorney gig & just start over writing poems on the beach or teaching yoga for puppies.

 I'm just not feeling it today. 

But I digress.  

Maybe the extreme level of not feeling it has taken hold of me because I know my vacation is on the horizon. I just have to muster through two more work days, then tropical delights await me in Puerto Rico. 

This month has just been.... Heavy. So much has happened in such a small amount of time that it's slightly overwhelming. Work is nonstop, the days are a blur and I'm genuinely exhausted. I really need a nap, a massage, and another nap. I do not see how people are managing their lives in addition to being married, taking care of children, and keeping enough sanity to avoid backflipping off a bridge. I mean sheesh, I feel like I'm barely hanging on with just the puppy & he atleast can be crated. 

I'm ranting and complaining, but I am seriously wondering how it works. And let's not even begin to discuss the gym, and meal planning and everything else being grown as fuck entails. I don't know if I need a husband or a personal assistant at this point.....

But it's all good little Fal. You're striving and surviving just like everyone else. Figuring it out along the way. Learning and adjusting when need be, but my God when does it end? < Yes, I took an interlude to give myself a pep talk.... >

Surely life is more than just being grown. Locked into routine, day after day a constant repeat of work, work, work, work work or is that what vacations are made for? Because at this point even my social life is accessible via my Outlook calendar with no room for spontaneity. Dates are strategically planned between he (him's) and I's meetings, work days & to do-s, coupled with, but first let me take my dog out then I can's....

Like real talk, how are you are all not completely insane yet??? 

April.

I know it gets redundant after awhile, but seriously how is it already April? Like the year is already a quarter of the way over...   And here I am, still feeling like I have all the time in the world, yet time is constantly passing by without my knowledge or permission. I guess that's why they say live everyday to the fullest, because at this rate those days certainly can appear as numbers with no recollection of who, what, when, where how or why about them. 

For me, April 1st brings about my official two week countdown to Puerto Rico..... Which hopefully entails my working out some more, and buying another cute swim suit that I can wear without shame. Notice I said "some more" because I really haven't been working out at all.  Daylight savings time stole my thunder. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

I have been so busy with work, and deadlines and just overall stress that I need a vacation badly. My car has been giving me issues, and I've just been tired. Life can creep up on you with no warning. Another focus of mine for this month is to work on making some fiscally responsible decisions. Save money, spend wisely and try to make every transaction worth something. 

Planning & purchasing. I don't have anything planned after I get back from Puerto Rico for the month of May. I don't like that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that some sort of excursion drops in my lap. I'm also planning a friends 30th in New Orleans, so this month will spend a lot of time focusing on those details. I'm also assisting with a bachelorette weekend in Florida. I need to start thinking of things to do in that regard as well. 

April may not know it yet, but I plan to get back on board with getting my life together. I had fun (entirely too much fun) in March, but I got overall lazy. I need for April to be real namasté. 

We shall see how it all goes!