A Hint of a Smile.....

These last two weeks were an absolute nightmare..... My daddy was hospitalized for over a week, and in all honesty I really didn't know what was going to happen. I probably cried a gallon of tears, but by the grace of God and numerous prayers......he was finally released & is at home recovering. Although he isn't back to 100% just yet, I'm still thankful that the Lord blessed us and allowed him to come home. I worry so much about him. He's 81. I need to seize every opportunity to let him know just how much he means to me. Shoot, after this ordeal I feel compelled to let everyone in my life know just how much they mean to me. Life man. Reality is a mofo........ 

You can't take anyone, any moment nor anything for granted. Nothing. At all......

I've been so drained. Mentally. Spiritually. Emotionally. Physically. All that crying and worrying takes a lot out of you.... But it has shown me that I have a lot of work to do in the faith department. I lacked strength. I forgot to turn to Him....

I still have a lot of growing to do... 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart.."

Some people know all the right things to say to comfort you. There are people around me with an abundance of strength. 

I'm grateful to be surrounded by prayer warriors. 

This past Sunday the bestie & I got a chance to go see Corey Holcomb at the Improv. He was hilarious and it felt good to laugh. It felt good to smile. 

I've been told that it's best to smile through it all. The good times & bad. Regardless, always. Peace. Joy. I'm still working on being able to see the bright side in every situation. But I want to......

My work week has been busy.

Attorney-ing doesn't stop just because you are having a bad day (or week for that matter) so it's been business as usual. 

I'm trying to get back an inkling of normalcy and routine. I'm slowly but surely coming back to the real world. 

Last night, I went to the House of Blues where Neyo was performing. I bought the tickets way back in August like the same day I heard on the radio he was coming to town. I absolutely love him and have been a fan for over a decade now. He was amazing. My voice is still sore from singing every song lyric from the top of my lungs.... I feel as if I'm rambling. I don't care. 

But Neyo... He was great. 

Today is only Wednesday. Hump day. Two more days to make it to the weekend. 

Scorpio season starts tomorrow. A new moon. That means November is almost here. Birthday time. That excites me...

I'm prayerful. My list of needs & desires. Strength.  The ability to smile through it all. A hint of a smile... Right now that's all I can manage. 

Prayers.

One harsh reality about getting older is having to witness our parents and grandparents get older as well. 

I don't have much to say, but maybe someone out in the blogosphere has some positive words to share because I am all out at the moment. 

Things could always be worse, but Lord knows I need for them to be better.......

What helps keep you positive? Prayer? Talks with friends? Reading the bible? 

Feel free to share some motivation on this Monday.... Prayers are also always welcomed...

Adventures in Homecoming......

About 14 years ago, I embarked on a journey that would change the course of my life forever. The year was 2000, and I was an incoming freshman at THE Southern University and A&M College, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. When my family dropped me off, I must admit I was scared out of my mind. The accents, the clothing, the swagger...although Houston is a mere 4 hours away, it was as if I had been transported to another country. Everything was so different, yet exciting.

During the course of my 4.5 odd years in college (I took a semester off to intern full-time at the Louisiana State Capitol) I learned so much about myself. I made friends, and enemies. I fell in love, and got my heartbroken. I had adventures. I made memories.

My time in college, was EVERYTHING.

Aside from frequenting the club, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT... No, literally every single night. Like...seriously... I was out there. Digressing.....Now. I managed to remain active on-campus, write for our college newspaper, test my luck at becoming a campus queen & still managed to graduate with the highest GPA in my department that Fall 2004.

Fall 2004....as in exactly a decade ago.

Fast forward 10 years: Not only was this past weekend my alma mater's centennial Homecoming, this year marked a decade of my being an alumnus of Southern!

I wasn't certain I was going to be able to make it, but at the last minute one of my besties said she would ask her cousin if we could stay with her (since it was too late to get a hotel in town) and we were on our way. From the time we started our journey, we could already tell that this trip was going to be one for the record books & we were so so right!

Before I left town, I did a little DIY project so I would have an outfit to wear on "The Yard" for game day! I think it turned out cute & I am Sooooo "Seaux" Southern....

But now I'm getting ahead of myself, so moving along......

So after hours of non-stop laughter & nostalgia... We finally got ready to head out for the night...

And oh, what a night we had. It was great seeing old faces & feeling old feelings....

I missed being around my Southernites.... We literally shut the club down just like old times... It felt good to be home.

And then...... my phone drowned in a glass of Ciroc. No joke, although in retrospect it definitely makes for a hilarious story. So at about 3 am, we were scrambling trying to find rice to soak my phone in.
Pure comedy... I wanted to cry, but I kept myself together.

The comedy continued well into the morning, and to make a long story short..... I was phoneless the remainder of the weekend.

Looking back, I am almost kind of happy I was able to fully experience Homecoming without the distractions. I was able to take it all in, and really reflect on the moment and all the memories..

We spent the day being random. I got my boudin ball fix at Tony's seafood, and tailgated on-campus.... We stayed on the Yard for a very long time, just people watching & catching up with old friends..

That night continued with more laughter, more inside jokes, more adventures and definitely more memories......

I really could not have wished for a better time.

I even got to meet one of my blog friends in real life! I ran into the oh so fabulous Carla out one night! And she was dressed to kill! :)

Although my trip was short, it was truly action packed. I'm happy that I got to make even more memories of my beloved alma mater...

Homecoming was definitely an adventure.....

Houston Walk to End Alzheimer's 2014

Yesterday was important to me.

A few weeks ago I got an email about the Houston Walk to End Alzheimer's. I knew I had to be a part of this. Alzheimer's is not only a disease that millions of people around the world are suffering from, it's something that I have suffered from...and continue to suffer from to this day. You see, I not only watched my grandmother on my father's side go through the stages of this horrible disease and ultimately lose that battle... I'm now taking a front row seat as it rears its' ugly head again to someone whom I love dearly. It is hard watching your grandparents and parents age. It's even harder when you are powerless and unable to stop the process.... The older we get, unfortunately they get older as well. I am blessed to have had my parents for all of these years, and I know there are many others who have not been that fortunate. My daddy is 81 years old. My mother is in her sixties.... it's life that they won't be around forever. But everyone deserves to age with dignity. Alzheimer's is one of those diseases that just makes a person not who they used to be. It steals their memories. It takes away their sense of security. It strips them of their power. It's just not fair......

I know it takes time to make a difference, and a cure will not be available overnight. But I still felt as if I needed to play my part since I have been touched directly by the illness.
I hate feeling helpless. So I decided to help.

Yesterday marked 33 days until the actual walk on November 1st! Sooooo, I decided to start a team called Make It Last Forever to walk and raise funds for the Alzheimer's Association. This organization provides money for research, assistance to those suffering from the disease, as well as information to teach families of those with Alzheimer's on how to care for their loved ones. I'm trying to build my team and raise as much money as I can for the organization.

Since I'm all about symbolism and numbers, yesterday felt like a great day to kick off that 33 countdown. I'll be turning 33 this year, and to date I'm 33% to my personal goal of $300 raised for the organization.

Although today marks 32 days, this will still be the part where I place my shameless plug and ask everyone reading this post to consider joining my team... You can be on the team even if you aren't in the Houston area... But if you are in Houston, definitely coming out to walk with us on November 1st... But if you don't want to be a part of my actual team, I encourage you to consider donating to us, or even reading up on the organization so you can show support in other ways or see if they have a walk in your city!

With the walk being on November 1st, I'm considering it the official kick-off to my birthday month and would love the support & encouragement as we do our part to be a part of something bigger than ourselves!

Fall....

My first glimpses of Fall.... 

A beautiful sunrise... The view of downtown Denver, Colorado and of the Rocky Mountains as seen from the 10th & 12th floors of my hotel....

A cool breeze and plenty of sunshine. Perfection. 

I don't feel like being grammatically correct tonight, as my brain is 100% fried from sitting in lectures & discussing the exciting world of commercial litigation these last few days in Denver. I made it back to Houston, and although I am seriously tired... I have no clue why I can't fall asleep. 

I'm not sure if it's all the Fall excitement keeping me awake, or if my body is still wound up from traveling today. Nonetheless I'm up, so I've been doing what I do best (plotting, planning, thinking) until I can fall asleep.  

Fall- I come alive in the Fall. It's hands down my favorite season, and I highly anticipate its arrival every year! I have so many things I would like to accomplish this Fall, both personally and financially. I have a few trips I have planned, and of course the onset of Fall means it's officially time for me to start counting down until my birthday.  I've chosen to separate my personal goals from my financial. In all honesty I could probably break those down into even more specific categories, but that would lead to me being even more OCD with my planning & I don't want to get wrapped up to the point of fixation and not enjoyment... But I digress. 

This Fall means cooler temperatures, rich colors, spice, Homecomings, fresh starts, improving, growing, learning, action, completion, saving, investing, enjoying and fulfilling.... A new season, full of new opportunities. I'm approaching this Fall with a positive mindset and positive affirmations that it will be full of promotion and abundance. 

I absolutely adore the Fall. 

reflections..........

Sometimes the days can turn into weeks, and then you look up and time has truly passed you by. It seems as if the older I get, the time I have remaining to wish away the years and countdown the moments that I can't wait to rush through...disappears. Makes sense? Probably not, because I was that girl. You know, the one who antagonized her friends with countdowns till the first day of school, and fall, and her birthday, etc... Who am I kidding? I'm still kind of that girl. I love having things to look forward to, the endless benchmarks and checklists and scratched out calendar days give me some sense of control. But I'm learning to let go... Slowly but surely, I'm placing my value on the moment & not just x event I'm looking forward to in the future. Slow. But sure.... I'm a work in progress. 

Reflections.

Sometimes God removes you from a situation, and while you're away He's working things out to make the conditions he took you away from more bearable the next go round.... And sometimes there isn't a next go round... Sometimes your removal is forever. There's better for you. Or you've outgrown your former position. But, in this instance He brought me into an opportunity and kept me in the waiting area for six months... Then just as quickly as He removed me, He placed me right where I once was..but at the right place and the right time. Better position, less stress and peace of mind. 

Navigating the career world can be tricky, but despite the ups & downs I can truly say The Lord has protected me the entire way.

I mentioned to a friend that I didn't feel like I had a purpose. She was slightly  taken aback by my statement, and said  "But you're an attorney....." And on paper I agree that accomplishment does speak volumes. But in my heart I felt like something is still missing. I yearn to help people, make a difference and work towards a bigger cause. In a sense I guess I lost sight of that, and as we sometimes do I downplayed my accomplishments and current position. 

Despite who I work for or what my occupation is, I can still go that extra mile and help someone... I can still volunteer my time towards a cause or do something more gratifying that I don't consider "work" or something that I have to do because I work a certain place. I've been slipping. My lifestyle has been consumed with the social and definitely not the civic. I have no excuses. 

Time to get it together... I used to be so involved with organizations, my church and the bar association... But slowly but surely I backed away from doing the little things that made me happy. And my reasoning behind it were so petty..... I'll feel more purposeful when I do things that have a purpose. 

Point blank... Period. 

One of my former best friends got married two weeks ago. Another had a baby and one more is expecting her 2nd... 

A part of me ached to not have been able to experience these things with them. In our visions growing up, we would always be a part of each other's lives. 

I try not to dwell on those relationships that are no more. I'm faced with so many questions that I don't have answers to, and that has really gotten to me. 

Someone pointed out to me, that one of my former friends made a comment on Facebook to another former acquaintance.... Something along the lines of her being so glad they were "real" friends and that the more things change, the more they both stayed "the same" and had not changed throughout the years...........

Reflecting back, I can honestly say that I'm glad I have changed and that I've adjusted to the things around me changing and I've grown and learned though out that process. I would hate to be the same person I was two years ago, four years ago and definitely not ten years ago. 

The full blown, genuine essence that makes up me, still reflects the same sincerity, the same loyalty, the same quirk, the same spunk that kept us all "real friends" all those years. But a lot of things have changed. I respect myself now, which I did little of in the past, I make rational decisions which I definitely did not do then, and I don't let my emotions dictate my every move. If that took away from me being who I am or once was then so be it I guess. 

Some things are not meant to be questioned. I can't go back in time and salvage every situation, but I can respect what once was. I can still love everyone for all the memories, laughter, tears, inside jokes, adventures and secrets we shared, but not beat myself up for us no longer being a part of each other's lives. I've tried to make amends on two occasions, but nothing came from either interaction. I've made my peace with it, still miss them dearly, but have moved on. I love who I've become. I love the people who stuck around while I was becoming that person. I apologize for everything that went wrong, and I am living and moving forward beyond it. 

There will be no more tears...

I had lunch today with someone I thought I would never speak to again in life. She reached out and apologized. I accepted that apology. Things are definitely not the same, but atleast I know that the separation was for a purpose and the reunion was all apart of the steps that The Lord had set forth for us to reconnect. In His time. Things work out for a reason. Everything He does makes perfect sense, all at the perfect time. 

Life. 

I'm not sure if my reflections are a combination of all the medicine I just took or just something I've been meaning to get off my chest for awhile. I went to the doctor today, got a shot and a nice combination of antibiotics, steroids and cough medicine. I haven't been sick in a while, but sinus infections love me. 

September you're halfway over. Homecoming is in two weeks.... I've been to Milwaukee for work and will be in Denver next week for a Commercial Litigation Conference. 

So many things to look forward to... And whoops, I've done it again. 

Back to counting down, listing benchmarks and to-do's....

I told you I was a work in progress. 

But is this how life is supposed to be? If we have nothing to look forward to, does life become boring & monotonous? Would all my days be lived to the fullest if there was no expectation of something bigger to come? I just pray that I have many more moments, and things to accomplish and check off before I'm left with only memories of what once was to reflect on.....

I want more than just reflections. 

And then...

Three weeks passed. Three full weeks of living. Not just merely existing, but actual in real life, living... 

It's been a well-deserved break from the norm. As it seems, I survived August... August, the month that I generally used to loathe has now turned into September.  I would say that I'm happy to see it go, but for once it was a good month for me. 

Lots of moments where my strength was tested, but instead of waving my flag of defeat The Lord worked it out for me. I also worked it out for myself by continuing to press forward, not losing sight of my vision and a lot of prayers.... 

A whole lot of prayers. 

Like, a lot. 

This past month also brought about new adventures, new places, some new faces & a lot of opportunity for reflection. We continuously are learning..sometimes we don't realize the lessons in some of our everyday happenings, but realization and clarity are amazing things. 

I look forward to this new month, and I am giddy with anticipation for a new season. In more ways than one. Like the leaves, things change. People change, situations change, and then we change. 

But that's a good thing, because nothing should stay the exact same forever. 

I'm looking towards the new season. I embrace all that it shall bring, I'm excited for the adjusting..... and then it will be Fall.